Interviewing the Cluehunters
by TheNinjaNerd
Summary: After, um, some convincing, the Madrigals agreed to let me interview the Cluehunters on the condition I never speak of what was said outside the rather small and uncomfortable interview room. Well, Im not speaking, now am I? :
1. Amy

A/N: Hi! I'm Jessi. I'm uploading from iPad, this feels kinda weird, and I didn't really edit, so please excuse my mistakes. Okay, my Microsoft has been messed up, so I couldn't type or post anything for like, 6 months, but I have found a way around the problem so I can finally post! (I cannot help but suspect that there was Cahillinterferance)

SO. The following are a collection of interviews I recorded with the clue hunters. Unfortunately, you cannot listen to them, because I signed a secrecy contract promising not to speak of it. Why they bothered with the interviews if I couldn't even say anything about it was kinda weird, but they said nothing about _typing_ the interviews, now did they? Haha, I am a genius. So, dive in to my first interview, with…. Amy.

Amy:…

Jessi:….

Amy: Um, aren't you supposed to be, you know, asking questions?

Jessi: Well that depends.

Amy: On what?

Jessi: On whether you're done asking questions.

Amy: I haven't asked any questions…. Have I?

Jessi: You're at three.

Amy: No I'm not.

(The last minute of the recording is played)

Amy: Oh….

Jessi: How about you just let me ask the questions from now on?

Amy: _But you haven't been aski-_ *deep breath* Never mind.

Jessi: Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Amy: What?

Jessi: Didn't we just go over the question thing? It doesn't have to be Edward or Jacob, any of the Twilight characters will do, but what team are you on? America wants to know.

Amy: _But this is a private interview America will never here this._ And I thought this was about the clue hunt.

Jessi: Would you please just let me do the interview and answer _the freaking question?_

Amy: Team Jacob.

Jessi: Hm. I thought with your taste you would've gone for the British guy.

Amy: What's that supposed to mean? And since when is Edward _British?_

Jessi: He was in Harry Potter, of course he's British.

Amy: I don't have a taste for British guys!

Jessi: Ian will be very disappointed to hear that. Though I suppose Evan will be relieved.

Amy: _This interview is for the clue hunt, not my love life!_

Jessi: SO YOU ADMIT IAN IS A PART OF YOUR LOVE LIFE!

Amy: NO HE'S NOT!

Jessi: Shesh. No need to yell at the innocent interviewer. You don't have to get so aggressive with me. I apologize, I didn't realize how much denial you were in about Ian. *Holds up hands*

Amy: I am not aggressive and I am NOT in denial about Ian, especially when there is _nothing_ to be in denial about.

Jessi: Yes, that doesn't sound like denial _at all_. I shall save mention of Korea for our next interview.

Amy: There is not going to be a next interview.

Jessi: It's in your contract. I get to interview you twice if I want. And I want. Maybe on a day when you're less difficult.

Amy: I'M NO-

Jessi: So Amy, what are the 39 clues?

Amy: You know I can't tell you that. That was in _your_ contract.

Jessi: Eh. Worth a shot. You Madrigal's and your contracts.

Amy: Anything else? It's cold in here.

Jessi: You are just not happy today. Complaining, yelling, denial, being uncooperative, and asking questions when _I'm_ the interviewer. And for making me use italics. I don't like when I have to use italics, it implies rage and frustration.

Amy: What are you using italics for?

Jessi: Nothing.

Amy: You signed a contract. You can't talk about any of this.

Jessi: Yes, bookworm, I know. Shesh, who peed in your cheerios this morning?

Amy: That's disgusting.

Jessi: Someone needs a Happy Meal.

Amy: You sound like Dan.

Jessi: Before he got depressed, you mean?

Amy: What are you talking about? Dan's not depressed.

Jessi: Yes he is. After the Hunt ended he got all bored and lonely and sad. He's only happy when he's in a life threatening situation. I know the hunt changes people, but I don't think it usually changes people like that.

Amy: I'm not talking about this.

Jessi: Fine.

Amy: Fine.

Jessi: Fine.

Amy: Fine.

Jessi: What was your favorite part of the Clue Hunt? See what you've done? You've me go on to the boring questions.

Amy. When it was over.

Jessi: And I get boring answers.

Amy: Well boring can be good.

Jessi: Not at the moment.

Amy: You just can't be pleased.

Jessi: What's your favorite book?

Amy: I don't have a favorite, I like them all.

Jessi: I see we have common ground.

Amy: It's about time.

Jessi: You know else has common ground? You and Ian. You both went on an extreme Clue Hunt. If that doesn't bring two people closer together, I don't know what else does.

Amy: There were other Clue Hunters and I'm close with all of them.

Jessi: Yes, but you'll never be as close to Evan as you are with Ian. Evan missed all the action.

Amy: Well he's here now.

Jessi: That might not be enough.

Amy: Are you trying to make me mad?

Jessi: It _is _ rather entertaining.

Amy: Your times up. *Amy is looking at clock above my head*

Jessi: I didn't realize I had a time limit.

Amy: You didn't read the contract at all, did you?

Jessi: Back to the questions from you. And no, not really. I got the gist of it though. I can't speak of the interview or ever show anyone the recording, or suffer the consequences. Rather threatening really.

Amy: I'm leaving.

Jessi: Will you be in a better mood next time?

Amy: No.

Jessi: Ah, but we don't know that. Maybe you and Ian will realize your passionate feelings for each other.

Amy: It's not happening.

Jessi: Do a cart wheel.

Amy: What?

Jessi: Your Grumpy. Cart wheels make people happy. Do a cart wheel.

Amy: They do not.

Jessi: Try it.

Amy: No.

Jessi: Yes. I am invoking my right as the supreme interviewer.

Amy:_ You're the only interviewer!_

Jessi: Again with the italics. Do the cart wheel.

Amy: _Fine!_

*Amy does cart wheel and leaves*

Jessi (Murmuring): Don't think I didn't notice the smile on our face.

A/N So that was my interview with Amy. She was rather difficult, wasn't she? Anyways, Dan's up next. Any questions yall come up with, just leave it on a review and I'll add it to Dan's interview. Thanks for reading!

Oh! And what teams are yall? Personally, I'm Team Jasper. Everything's bigger in Texas ;)

-Jessi


	2. Dan

**A/N: I am mad. I was half way done and then I accidently deleted everything. So now I'm retyping everything and I'm sure it won't be as good as it was at first. Crap. But please ignore my bad mood. Thanks to all of you who reviewed! Those who left questions, they will be answered!**

Jessi: SEND IN THE BOY!

Dan: I'M RIGHT HERE!

Jessi: There's no need to yell.

Dan: Whatever.

Jessi: Onto the question that millions want to know and many fan girls fantasize about. Are you, Daniel Cahill, in love with Natalie Kabra?

Dan: NO!

Jessi: Do you hear that?

Dan:…The clock on the wall ticking?

Jessi: No. The sound of thousands of fan girls hearts breaking.

Dan: All I hear is the clock ticking.

Jessi: That is what breaking hearts sound like.

Dan: Ticking clocks?

Jessi: Yup.

Dan: That makes no sense.

Jessi: You're right. I'm much more a Dan and Regan fan. Though Ted and Regan isn't bad…. I really need to interview Regan…..

Dan: I'm not in love with Natalie or Regan!

Jessi: I am very disappointed.

Dan: Can we move on to something else?

Jessi: Would you mind a hypothetical question?

Dan: As long as it doesn't involve Natalie or Regan.

Jessi: I see that is a sensitive subject for you. But no, it does not involve Natalie and Regan.

Dan: Then ask away.

Jessi: …

Dan: Well?

Jessi: Sorry. Ask away is just a funny phrase when you think about it. Anyway. Say there is a hypothetical website for fan fiction. Now say there is a girl on this site dedicated to the 39 clues section of said hypothetical site. Now suppose this girl is a Japanese Ekaterina named Allyson, which is similar to the name of her favorite 39 Clues Clue Hunter and she incorporated his name into her user name. Would you say she's cool?

Dan: Yes.

Jessi: Wow. First the Lucian, then the Tomas, now the Ekat. You get around.

Dan: I just said she was cool! And for the last time I'm not in love with a Lucian or a Tomas! _I'm not in love_.

Jessi: If that was the last time you said you weren't in love, if I ask again, would you say yes?

Dan: No.

Jessi: I'm getting nowhere with this. We're moving onto a different subject.

Dan: Finally.

Jessi: Back to the hypothetical. If the cool Japanese Ekat had Samurai blood, would you duel her?

Dan: No.

Jessi: Are you afraid you'd lose?

Dan: No! I just…

Jessi: Think that you would lose.

Dan: That's not it at all!

Jessi: I'm sure it's not.

Dan: It's not.

Jessi: Right.

Dan: Whatever.

Jessi: Uh huh. But beyond that, do you read the actual series?

Dan: No. It'd be weird.

Jessi: That's your loss.

Dan: If you say so.

Jessi: So you don't have any of your own cards?

Dan:…

Jessi: YOU DO! YOU SO DO!

Dan: I never said that!

Jessi: Well you didn't deny it either! You have your own cards! Do you collect them like baseball cards?

Dan: I just like to have them, okay?

Jessi: So you've read the books.

Dan: No I haven't.

Jessi: Yes you have. The cards come with the books THAT YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY READ!

Dan: Okay, okay! I've read the books!

Jessi: I knew it! I am the ultimate ninja!

Dan: No! I am!

Jessi: In your dreams.

Dan: In my reality!

Jessi: Your reality is demented!

Dan: You're demented!

Jessi: I can't be demented, I'M THE ULTIMATE NINJA!

Dan: NEVER!

*Okay. So apparently the interview was sounding violent to those standing outside the door of the room I was assured was "Sound Proof" and some guards burst in right about here. It was no big deal, since I had my handy dandy pocket pepper spray. Okay, I might have, um, spiced up the handy dandy pocket pepper spray. And, um, okay I might need glasses, and I might have mistaken Dan as the guard coming to save Dan, but I promise he was okay. For the most part. After twenty minutes of his screaming in agony about his eyes and possible blindness and pain. I'm really not helping my case, am I?*

-Twenty minutes of Dan's recorded screaming later-

Jessi: Um… Sorry.

Dan: *now slightly horse* Promise me one thing. When you interview the Cobras, give them a taste of that pepper spray for me and record it. Then put it on YouTube.

Jessi: Haha, I would, but I'm not allowed a video camera in here. The contract is pretty specific.

Dan: Will you email me a recording?

Jessi: I'm pretty sure they left that out of the contract.

*Guard comes in telling us our time is up. Not before Dan slips me a slip of paper with his email on it and a question asking if that hypothetical question was really hypothetical and if there really is a cool Japanese Ekat with Samurai blood named Allyson.*

**A/N: I'm sorry its so short. I wanted it to be longer but I have an Essay I need a final copy for and a brother who wants the computer. And I'm too tired from retyping most of this to edit. So I apologize. And… I really don't know who I want to interview next. So I would appreciate if yall reviewed with a name of a clue hunter and question for them. Please? (Insert adorable puppy dog face here)**


	3. Ian

**A/N: Okay. I was bored and wanted to write. So I wrote Ian's interview. This one was actually really fun to write. Poor Ian :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the 39 Clues. Or "Knicker-licious". I owe that one to Agent Galini.**

Jessi: If you were a bear, what type of bear would you be?

Ian: What kind of question is that?

Jessi: What kind of question is that?

Ian: Did you just mimic me?

Jessi: No. I repeated what you said in a British accent. I can't help it. British accents are just so fun. I could speak in my Australian accent instead.

Ian: How about you speak in your _American_ accent.

Jessi: Do you not like Australian accents? What about Russian? Maybe Dutch?*Note each sentence is said about a specific accent is said in the accent it is about. Wow. Confusing*

Ian: I prefer _American_ accents.

Jessi: Like Amy's?

Ian: Excuse me?

Jessi: You know, I think if you were a bear you'd be a teddy bear. You're so huggable!

Ian: I am not huggable!

Jessi: Yes you are! Why else would you where those soft designer suits if you didn't want people to hug you so they could feel the softness!

Ian: Gucci is not _soft_!

Jessi: Hmmm… Ya know what? It's silkier. But people still like the feel of silk though, so you're just as huggable. You're still a teddy bear!

Ian: I am not a Teddy Bear.

Jessi: Myself? I'm probably more of a Spectacle Bear. They're so cool! They have this Beige colored mask on their faces that can make them look like they're wearing glasses. They live in South America, but their endangered because locals think they'll eat the livestock and they kill them, but also because their gall bladder is used in this Chinese medicine, so they sell for a lot on the international market. Oh! And-

Ian: I think I've heard enough.

Jessi: Did the epicness of the Spectacle bear touch your soul?

Ian: No. Why are you asking what bear I would be if it's the Tomas symbol and the Lucian is a snake?

Jessi: Because, I know that you'd be an adder. And I can't exactly ask you what type of Dragon you would be. Well, actually you would probably be red. And Madrigals don't even have an animal, just an M. I definitely can't ask you what type of "M" you would be. And wolf….Actually; you strike me as a British Columbian Wolf.

Ian: Right….

Jessi: I met a kid named Ian at camp. He had a platypus shirt.

Ian: A platypus?

Jessi: Yup! But anyway, how is it going with Amy?

Ian: I don't understand what you mean.

Jessi: Well, when we left off in the Medusa Plot, you were all bitter and tired form jet lag and Amy was mad because you dragged Evan into all of the Clue Hunt mess. Has Amy forgiven you yet?

Ian: Perhaps you should read the Kings Ransom and find out.

Jessi: No Fair! I can't get to a book store!

Ian: That sounds like a personal problem to me.

Jessi: You're mean!

Ian: And you are acting like a five year old!

Jessi: Meany!

Ian: Really? That's the best you can come up with to defend yourself? And don't pout!

Jessi: No. I live in a free country; I can pout all I want.

Ian: When your constitution was written, I highly doubt the writers intended the freedom they were fighting for to be used to pout.

Jessi: That was actually very patriotic sounding. Even though you're British and I'm going to ignore you and continue my pouting.

Ian: Are you _humming_?

Jessi: Yes. It takes talent to hum and pout you know.

Ian: And _what_ are you humming?

Jessi: Moves Like Jagger. Very catchy. I could sing it if you like. Though it's kinda hard to sing and pout…

Ian: Um, no thank yo-

Jessi: _I got those moooovvveees moooovvveees moves like Jagger_!

Ian:…Is that it?

Jessi: It's the only words to the song I really pay attention to. I zone out on the rest. Still, it's catchy.

Ian: I'm sure it is.

Jessi: Can you say knickers?

Ian: No! I'm not going to say a ridiculous word because you request me to!

Jessi: But it would be so much fun to hear someone say knickers in an authentic British accent.

Ian: I am not saying knickers.

Jessi: YOU JUST SAID KNICKERS!

Ian: No I- GAH!

Jessi: I am victorious! Now say "Knicker-licious".

Ian: No!

Jessi: Yes! I, as the interviewer, demand it!

Ian: It is not happening.

Jessi: Come on. Don't be a diva.

Ian: I am not being a diva and I am not saying knicker-licious!

Jessi: HA!

*Unto no fault of my own, since I most certainly did not provoke him in any way, Ian started screaming profanity at me. The guards came in (I am very familiar with Alejandro and Henry by now) attempting to save _me_ from _him_. Ian finally calmed down. After attempting to stab Alejandro and I with a poison dart that he snuck past security. Three times. What is it with Lucians and darts?*

Jessi: So. Now that we're done with the attempted _murder_, do you know Harry Potter?

Ian: What?

Jessi: You know. British wizard. The Chosen One. The Boy Who Lived. He's pretty famous; I would think you would know him.

Ian: He's a _fictional_ character.

Jessi: That's what they want you to think.

Ian: So I assume you've been to Hogwarts.

Jessi: Of course.

Ian: I am seriously questioning your sanity.

Jessi: I've grown quite tired of you insulting me.

Ian: Really? I haven't tired of it at all.

Jessi: You will regret those words.

Ian: I don't think so. Life is too short for regrets, don't you think?

Jessi: So you don't regret leaving Amy for dead in a cave in Korea?

Ian:…

Jessi: Uh huh. Thought so. Its okay, you don't have to confess your undying love for Amy and burning jealousy of Evan to me. However, if Amy is ever walking by, feel free to unload all these feelings onto her. And feel free to slap Evan.

Ian: I am a man. Men don't slap people.

Jessi: Yea, you're right. You're a rich man. You can pay girly men for that.

Ian: Girly men?

Jessi: More girly than you.

Ian: I AM N-

Jessi: You wear designer suits. You more than likely use lotion, because when you wear trying to grab me earlier so you could _stab me with a poison dart_ I noticed your hands are quite soft. You wear silk and of all the bears in the world, you would be a Teddy Bear. You, Ian Nathaniel Kabra, are a girly man.

Ian: _I am not a girly man_! And my middle name is not Nathaniel.

Jessi: Probably not, but I sounded so much more serious using a middle name.

Ian: You truly are an insane, poorly styled, evil little girl.

Jessi: That is just mean! I am not little, I'm 5'6! And that's is a little harsh.

Ian: I think we are done here.

Jessi: One more question.

Ian: What?

Jessi: You remember Dan?

Ian: How could I forget Daniel?

Jessi: Dan. It's Dan. And anyway, I interviewed him before you. The interview… went a little askew at the end. But I told Dan I just might do him a little favor.

Ian: I don't see how you're little promise to Daniel has anything to do with me.

Jessi: DIE, TEDDY BEAR DIE!

*After the little, ahem, _incident_, during the last interview, the Madrigals confiscated my spiced up pepper spray. SO I made another batch and amplified the spiciness. By a lot. And snuck it in. .Insert Evil Laugh Here. And I really am not to blame for using said pepper spray on Ian's face. It was provoked. That'll teach him to call me little girl. And best of all, it's all on video. Alejandro was filming with his phone from the window outside the door. Thirty minutes of Ian rolling around on the floor, screaming. I shall email it to Dan.*

*Ian left. He wasn't all that happy. I thought the interview went quite well.*

**A/N: So? What did ya think? Please, feel free to reveal your thoughts and questions to the little review box. I am between doing Natalie's interview next or Jonahs. If I do Natalie's, I'll do Jonahs next, and if I do Jonah's, I'll do Natalie's after that, so submit any questions you want to ask the two!**


	4. Natalie

**A/N: This is not my best work, I admit. I could've done better, but it's the best I could do and I wanted this posted on Christmas. So, Merry Christmas! This is your gift from me! I did Natalie. For a while, and the first few lines of this were Jonah, but then I became uninspired with Jonah, so he will have to wait. Oh, and I didn't edit. Just warning you. **

**And I noticed that I named the chapters weird, that it's Chapter 1, Dan, Chapter 3, and thats because I really wasn't paying attention, but I will be doing characters names for that interview as the chapter name from now on. If i remember. Sorry for the mix up.**

Natalie: How dare you make me wear this _ridiculous_ outfit! I will sue-

Jessi: It's for my personal safety. Blame your brother. He snuck a poisoned dart in his cuff link; I'm not going to let you try to kill me with an earring laser.

Natalie: That's actually not a bad idea…

Jessi: And that is why you are in the prison jumper.

Natalie: It's orange! Why orange! Orange is _not_ my color! I look much better in mauve…

Jessi: I'm sorry, next time I will consult with you when I'm picking the color of your prison jumper.

Natalie: That is all I ask.

Jessi: Where on Earth do I get a mauve prison suit?

Natalie: At a mauve prison?

Jessi: A mauve prison? How do you wind up there, declaring your love for periwinkle? But if it's a prison, it's supposed to a punishment, so I guess surrounding a periwinkle lover with only mauve is punishment enough.

Natalie: Do you have a problem with mauve?

Jessi: I can't help it, I've fallen for periwinkle.

Natalie: That's an awful name for a color.

Jessi: Says the one who loves _mauve_. What even rhymes with that?

Natalie: You can't say nothing rhymes with mauve when you love _periwinkle_.

Jessi: Sparkly sprinkle.

Natalie: That-

Jessi: Rhymes. That right. It rhymes. Periwinkle and sparkly sprinkle. I can't help but notice you've thought of nothing that rhymes with mauve.

Natalie: Sauvé.

Jessi: I am slightly impressed.

Natalie: Only slightly? And _nothing_ rhymes with orange.

Jessi: Door hinge.

Natalie: I'm done with this.

Jessi: Uh huh. I thought so. On to more important things, if you were a hand bag, what kind would you be?

Natalie: A sukey large tote by Gucci.

Jessi: That was a really fast answer. You've thought about this a lot.

Natalie: Of course! Everyone should! But that bag is cursed!

Jessi: So… the bag you are is cursed?

Natalie: Yes! The first one I bought was in black leather, and that same I day I bought it our limo breaks down next to a park. So I step out to yell at a peasant who nearly hit our car as we were pulling over, my bag is over my shoulder, and all the sudden this pigeon flies overhead and… It was _awful_!

Jessi: Wait. A pigeon pooped on your black leather bag?

Natalie: YES! It was humiliating and awful! And I then when we were in California I attempted to order the python version of it, but apparently you can't ship python products to California, so I um, pulled some strings and called in some favors to get it shipped anyway and the police _arrested me_!

Jessi: So wait. A Lucian, who's crest is a snake, is perfectly fine with a snake being slaughtered to become a purse? How would you like it if we slaughtered you and made you into a purse?

Natalie: Well, as long as it was Gucci…

Jessi: That is despicable.

Natalie: Wow, such a big word for a peasant.

Jessi: It's called public school.

Natalie: Ugh! The very thought makes me shudder!

Jessi: Can we go back to your purse curse before I'm tempted to slap you?

Natalie: Oh right! Anyway, you can't buy python is California and then we had to jet out to… well a place, and it didn't have internet service and by the time we could get internet service or to a place where I could by Gucci it was out of stock! So I attempted to buy the chocolate crocodile and-

Jessi: Wait. How many versions of this purse are their?

Natalie: Ten, but I only attempted the three. Attempted being the subject of that sentence.

Jessi: Actually it's the verb.

Natalie: Excuse me?

Jessi: Public school, remember?

*Natalie actually did shudder*

Natalie: So I bought the crocodile and then was off to this _horrid_ zoo to meet an expert on… something, and as were passing the crocodile exhibit, which was a pond, _no fence around it all which is by far the stupidest design EVER_, a crocodile jumped out of the pond and grabbed my purse!

Jessi: So let me get this straight. Of the purses in the world that you could be, you choose the one that has been pooped on by pigeons, got you arrested, and was eaten by a crocodile?

Natalie: Well, you have to admit, it is a devious purse.

Jessi: You do have a point. Henry, do you internet access on your phone?

*Henry did. So I googled this cursed handbag, and what do I find but a picture of the pink one Natalie came in with?*

Jessi: You came in with this purse!

Natalie: Yes, I had it custom made in pink. Isn't it fabulous?

Jessi: I don't even know how to respond to this. I literally have no words.

Natalie: You having nothing to say does not bother me, what does bother me is this jumper, it's itchy!

Jessi: Yup! Isn't it great?

Natalie: No, it's not!

Jessi: Are you in love with Dan Cahill?

Natalie: NO! Why would you think that?

Jessi: Because of the all the stories about you two!

Natalie: What stories? I have seen and read every article with my name in it, and not one of them has Daniels in it as well!

Jessi: Type in Danatalie on Google. Go on, I dare you.

Natalie: HENRY! I need your phone!

Alejandro: Henry's on break.

Jessi: He left me with a Kabra? How dare he! Who's going to protect me?

Alejandro: What do you think I am? I'm not completely incapable!

Natalie: Quit your useless chatter! I need to Google Danatalie!

Alejandro: Oh I love Danatalie! Seriously, you guys are great together!

Natalie: What is he talking about?

Jessi: If only Henry were here, you would know.

Natalie: HENRY!

Jessi: Yelling for him is not going to make him come to you. He's not a dog. You might be overreacting. Actually, you're very defensive. Are you sure you don't love Dan?

Natalie: I don't.

Jessi: You do! You love Dan!

Natalie: Do not!

Jessi: Perhaps I can make him confess his love for you at his next interview. You know what? I'm just going to do both of your second interviews at the same time. Just imagine you, me, and Dan all in the same room! And you can bring your purse! All your favorite things and people in one room!

*I think I took it too far with the last comment, being as Natalie passed out. I'm sure was of excitement though. After all, with Dan and I what can go wrong?*

**A/N: Now I'm excited to stick them in the same room. So, should I still do Jonah next or do you have someone else in mind? Review! Oh! And are yall buying the RapidFire short stories? I am! Very excited for the fourth one!**


	5. Jonah

Jonah: Yo, wassup homey?

Jessi: Did you _not_ read the sign?

Jonah: What sign?

Jessi: The one that was on the door you just walked in.

Jonah: Um… Maybe.

Jessi: Just go read the sign.

*Jonah walks out of the room, faces the door, and read the sign. Then storms, that's right, _storms_, back into the room*

Jonah: Dawg there is no reason to-

Jessi: Okay, go back and read the sign again, _out loud, _because you are just not grasping this concept.

*Gives an exasperated sigh, and walks back to the sign*

Jonah: In really big red letters, it says, "_GANGSTA TALK WILL NOT BE PERMITTED! OFFENDERS WILL BE PUNISHED AS THE EPIC INTERVIEWER SEES NECESSARY! JONAH BEWARE!" _

*Jonah returns*

Jessi: Got it?

Jonah: Why'd you have to single me out like that?

Jessi: You're kidding right? Who else that I'm interviewing would I have to tell this? Hamilton?

Jonah: You never know, he could surprise you.

Jessi: Right…

Jonah: It could happen!

Jessi: A change of subject that _doesn't_ involve me trying to imagine Hamilton's gangsta talk, which is a very scary thing, I hear there is a special lady in your life Jonah.

Jonah: I'm sorry, I don't think I heard right.

Jessi: A certain red head, very _smart_, someone you don't want the other hunters to find out about.

Jonah: I don't know who you're talking about.

Jessi: You do!

Jonah: I don't!

Jessi: You do!

Jonah: I don't!

Jessi: Admit it Jonah! You-

Jonah: I like Sinead, alright?

Jessi: -have a lady bug pillow pet!

Both at the same time: Wait, what?

Jonah: Wait, how do you know about Smarty?

Jessi: Oh my Google you love Sinead!

Jonah: Oh my Google?

Jessi: Oh my Google!

Jonah: No, I wasn't shouting with you, I was questioning your choice of words! Who says Oh my Google?

Jessi: Says the famous rapper with a pillow pet named after a candy!

Jonah: That is to never leave this room!

Jessi: The point is you admitted your love for Sinead! That's a full confession of love! Now I'm at one and a half!

Jonah: How do you get half a confession of love?

Jessi: If Natalie hadn't fainted I'm pretty sure I could've gotten there.

Jonah: You made Natalie faint?

Jessi: That's not important, what _is_ important is what you are going to do about your love.

Jonah: Nothing.

Jessi: Nothing?

Jonah: Nope.

Jessi: But why not?

Jonah: Because I can't do that to Hamil- I mean because I'm shy with girls.

Jessi: I've read the Kings Ransom. You didn't seem to shy when you were flirting with a strange girl you didn't even know.

Jonah: Yea well, I'm very shy.

Jessi: You perform in front of millions of people, have a reality show, and do tons of interviews.

Jonah: And you would think those interviews would have prepared me for this.

Jessi: Oh you love this and you know it. I'm a fabulous interviewer. So you won't ask Sinead out because your bud Hamilton likes her?

Jonah: Look, dawg, it's complicated and- _Oh my Google what is that it BURNS!_

*Dawg counts as gangsta talk, so I punished as I saw fit. I spritzed him with a squirt bottle, like the kind you use to train cats. And rappers. Normally, there filled with water, but water was boring so I put something else in it. I just don't remember what the something else was…*

Jessi: Obey the sign. I really don't know what it is, I forgot. And you said Oh my Google!

Jonah: You can't just spray people with random stuff!

Jessi: I can if they disobey signs.

Jonah: Look, it's not cool to-

Jessi: Do you have other pillow pets?

Jonah: No.

Jessi: I don't believe you. What is it? A duck? The puppy? IS IT THE UNICORN?

Jonah: I only have Smarty! She was a gift!

Jessi: You know my cousin has two unicorns, Diamond Shiny and Diamond Shiny Jr. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Jonah: How old is your cousin?

Jessi: …six…

Jonah: Boy or girl?

Jessi: …girl…

Jonah: Exactly. A seventeen year old super star can't have a six year old girl's toy.

Jessi: I have one!

Jonah: Yes, but you're a girl.

Jessi: You can be feminine!

Jonah: I don't know how to respond to that. I really don't.

Jessi: You wear enough jewelry for it…

Jonah: It's not _jewelry_! It's _bling_!

Jessi: Dude, its jewelry.

Jonah: I'm not feminine.

Jessi: But you _are _a pillow pet lover.

Jonah: Can't you just forget that?

Jessi: Oh don't be ashamed. Amy does cart wheels, Dan is player, Ian's a Teddy Bear who got pepper sprayed, and Natalie walks around with a cursed purse. In your family, a rapper who loves pillow pets is nothing strange.

Jonah: Dan emailed Hamilton and I that pepper spray video! I don't think Ian's ever tried to kill someone that hard before.

Jessi: Yea, well, that's why I have Alejandro and Henry.

Jonah: Who?

Jessi: The guards.

Jonah: What guards?

Jessi: The one's that stand outside the door and come in when I call them so they can protect me from angry Clue Hunters.

Jonah: Uh… there's no one outside the door. I know. I went there three times.

Jessi: What do mean there's no one out there-

*Feeling _extremely_ betrayed and abandoned, I read the note that was taped on my sign.

"Sorry, Jess, out to lunch. Be back later."

-Henry and Alejandro.

The ending of which was crossed out and replaced with Alejandro and Henry. And then crossed out again and replaced with Henry and Alejandro.*

Jessi: I can't believe they _abandoned _me! Who does that?

Jonah: Them.

Jessi: Stop smiling and enjoying this!

Jonah: No.

Jessi: You're mean. Stupid pillow pet rapper.

Jonah: Don't call me-

Jessi: YOU COULD WRITE A PILLOW PET RAP!

Jonah: You're joking. You have got to be joking.

Jessi: I'm not!

Jonah: What would my fans think if I rapped about pillow pets?

Jessi: It's mostly girls anyway! You said it yourself, girls love pillow pets!

Jonah: Well, yeah, but-

Jessi: Fine. You can do it on April fool's Day. I'd be happy, your fans would think it's hilarious, and I would be happy.

Jonah: You mentioned you would be happy twice.

Jessi: I'm just that awesome. And I want credit for the idea.

Jonah: That's actually not a bad idea.

Jessi: My ideas are always amazing.

Jonah: Yea homey it could actually be funny-

*I promise, promise, _promise_, that I did not mean to get him straight in the eyes. It was purely accidental. But we did find out what was in the bottle. When Jonah screamed, ahem, _yelled_ in pain it was so high pitched he shattered the lights. So there was no light in the room except Jonahs glowing face and my glowing bottle. It was glowing chemical I'd gotten from… somewhere.*

Jonah: I'm _glowing_.

Jessi: And you made the lights explode. Main you singers have lungs.

Jonah: Yea, but most of us singers don't have _burning eyes and glowing faces_.

Jessi: At least you're unique.

Jonah: Yea. Unique.

Jessi: You know your eyes are literally glowing.

Jonah: And burning.

Jessi: Oh, details.

*We hear shuffling and banging so I know Henry and Alejandro have returned from their lunch break. So I go out to um, talk to them, about how their abandonment put me in a potentially dangerous situation. But there to bust thumb wrestling to notice me.*

Henry: Victory! That's why _my _name came first!

Jessi: You left me!

Alejandro: It was lunch. And why is dark in the interview room- Oh my Google it's the ghost of Jonah Wizard! Henry she killed him!

Jonah: What is it with the Google thing with you people?

Henry: Didn't know she had it in her. How'd you kill him?

Jessi: I didn't-

Jonah: I'm not dead. See? I have a body-

*Long story short, Jonah tried to show them he wasn't dead, Alejandro freaked out and punched him and then realized he shouldn't be able to punch a ghost. Then he asked a bleeding Jonah wizard to sign his fist. Henry asked me if I had killed him, how would I have done it and Jonah walked off before I could answer.*

Alejandro: But you didn't sign my fist!

Jessi: Eh, don't worry about. We'll kidnap Smarty and sell her on e-bay.

Henry: Who is Smarty?

Jessi: It's a long story.

**A/N: Well, it's up. I actually edited this time, aren't yall proud of me? Someone got me thinking about pillow pets and I was writing this and thinking about pillow pets so… Yea. Either Sinead or Hamilton will be next. Reviews would be awesome!**


	6. Hamilton

**I'm sorry! I had technical issues and couldn't use my computer. I'm also sorry because this isn't my best chapter and I am completely out of caffeine and I've been writing and editing for three hours so I'm broken and this is the best I could do. I tried, I really did.**

Hamilton: Am I safe here?

Jessi: What kind of question is that? Of course your safe, the Madrigals secured this building themselves!

Hamilton: Well yea, it's just… there are two really buff guys with their arms chained to a wall outside sitting the floor and they just told me to push the red button once I got inside.

Jessi: Oh, them? That's Henry and Alejandro.

Hamilton: Why are they chained to a wall?

Jessi: Because, while I was interviewing a potentially _dangerous_ Cahill, they left me to go get lunch! Left me alone with a dangerous person with no way to defend myself!

Henry: (_In a kind of muffled voice, you know because there was a _supposedly_ sound proof wall separating us_) we left you with Jonah Wizard and you had a bottle that spritzed chemicals! You were fine and we were craving Chinese food! Push the button boy!

Hamilton: What button?

Jessi: You left me behind with serious abandonment issues Henry! _Abandonment issues_! My therapist shall be sending you my bill!

Alejandro: The newsstand guy at the corner who you talk about your life with is not your therapist! He doesn't even speak English! Now let me go woman I gotta pee!

Jessi: That's what you get for stealing my water bottle and chugging it down like a dehydrated wildebeest! And what do you mean Ivan doesn't speak English? He always nods when I talk and looks at me with a concerned face like he cares!

Alejandro: You put hot sauce on my chips, I needed water and he nods because he doesn't know what else to do and that look isn't concern for your personal life, its concern for your _mental health_!

Jessi: At least he _cares_ about my health!

Henry: Twenty minutes! We were gone twenty minutes and you chain us to a wall! If Alejandro wets himself and gets pee on me you are going to-

Jessi: Shut up and let me do my interview!

Hamilton: They left you alone with Jonah for twenty minutes and you chained them to a wall? What if something happens and you need them?

Jessi: That's what the red button is for! If I need them I press the button and they are no longer chained to a wall. Easy as Pie! Mmmm… Pie…

Hamilton: Why would they help you if you have them chained to a wall?

Jessi: There under contract and I know where they live.

Hamilton: Right…

Jessi: But ignore them for now, they are being butt heads and butt heads deserve to be chained to walls.

Hamilton: Well yea, it's just a little strange that you would chain people to wall.

Jessi: I think it's the perfect solution. But could we not talk about the irresponsible body guards? We have more pressing questions.

Hamilton: Like?

Jessi: I need you to fix my laptop.

Hamilton: What's wrong with…? Oh My Google how did you even do that?

Jessi: Did you just say Oh My Google?

Hamilton: Yea, I heard Jonah muttering it and it was kind of catchy… Seriously that looks like it was dropped off a cliff.

Jessi: I knew I would rub off on him! And it wasn't dropped off a cliff it… Um, it's hard to explain.

Hamilton: Knowing might help me fix it.

Jessi: So you can fix it?

Hamilton: I think so.

Jessi: Okay. So I emailed Dan a video-

Hamilton: The one with Ian stabbing people and clutching his eyes going on and on about pepper spray?

Jessi: Yea, that one! And he emailed me back and it was a video of a llama and Henry was behind me and Henry has a llama phobia.

Hamilton: A llama phobia?

Jessi: Don't laugh! It's an actual phobia and a serious condition and he freaked out and did… this.

Hamilton: Okay then. You can interview me while I work.

Jessi: Okay! So… if you absolutely had to wear a dress, what color would it be?

Hamilton: What kind of question is that?

Jessi: One that must have an answer!

Hamilton: One that I'm not answering.

Jessi: I think blue. It would bring out your eyes really well…

Hamilton: Are you picturing me in a dress?

Jessi: No…

Hamilton: Yes you are!

Jessi: Work on the laptop! So Hamilton…

Hamilton: If you ask me about what high heels I'd wear with the dress…

Jessi: No, no, not _that_, I mean if you can fix my lap top and already have it almost normal looking again, why don't people know more about your techy side?

Hamilton: How do _you_ know about my techy side?

Jessi: I have my secrets. And my black book of buried secrets. Though that's hardly important right?

Hamilton: No one ever asks about my techy side, how are they supposed to know?

Jessi: That's no fun! I wanted a whole story! Instead I get a question! Who taught you you're tech savvy ways, Sinead?

Hamilton: Sinead? No, she's… busy. I taught myself.

Jessi: Busy with what? You seem saddened by that.

Hamilton: Busy with stuff.

Jessi: Uh huh. Stuff. What kind of stuff?

Hamilton: Just stuff.

Jessi: So this stuff keeps you from talking to her?

Hamilton: Yea, it does.

Jessi: So it has _nothing_ to do with the fact that you're slightly in love with her?

Hamilton: NO!

Jessi: I don't believe you! You Cahill's deny you're feelings more than a parrot denies being related to a seal!

Hamilton: What does that even _mean_?

Jessi: You know what it means!

Hamilton: No, I really don't!

Jessi: And the Sinead love triangle thickens!

Hamilton: There's someone else?

Jessi: Um... no.

Hamilton: Yes there is! A triangle has three sides, I'm one, Sineads another, who's the other?

Jessi: Whoever said the Tomas were stupid?

Hamilton: Does Sinead like someone else?

Jessi: I haven't interviewed her yet so I'm really not sure...

Hamilton: It's Jonah isn't it?

Jessi: What? No, no...

Hamilton: I knew it! He said he didn't but...

Jessi: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to speak of others interviews.

Hamilton: You emailed Dan a clip of Ians!

Jessi: Yea, well, I didn't tape that and I made Henry click the send button. It amazes me that you can argue and work on my laptop at the same time.

Hamilton: Speaking of you're laptop, and we're not done talking about this, but what is this?

Jessi: You were supposed to fix my laptop, not go through the files!

Hamilton: This isn't funny!

Jessi: I thought it was a photo shopped master piece!

Hamilton: I'm in a dress!

*Okay, I messed around with photo shop one day and made a picture that I saved and Hamilton found. What is this picture, you may ask? Hamilton in a blue ball gown with a pink mustache arm in arm with Sinead who was wearing a yellow tux and had a beard. I was bored, okay?*

Jessi: I told you blue was your color! Look how much it brings out your eyes…

Henry: Jessi he's about to pop like a water balloon, just let him go!

Alejandro: I am dying! My innards are like a built up fire hydrant about to explode!

Hamilton: Just let him go so he can pee!

Jessi: No!

Alejandro and Henry: PLEASE!

Jessi: Okay.

*I pushed the red button and Alejandro took off. Henry burst into the room and said-*

Henry: All we had to do was say _please_? I sat next to him talking about dry crackers and threatening his life if he got pee on me and all we had to do was say _please_?

Jessi: It is a magic word.

Hamilton: Please tell me who the other part of the triangle is.

Jessi: Not that magical.

Henry: You are-

Hamilton: I think it's fixed. Is this the email you were talking about?

Jessi: HAMILTON NO-

Henry: LLAMA!

*Long story short, my laptops totaled. Again.*

**Please review! I know I had barley any questions for Hamilton and I'm sorry for that. The lineup is Sinead next, then Alistair.**


	7. Sinead

**PLEASE READ! Okay, you know I never ask anything of you guys except to review. So now I'm calling in my favor. I suppose yall all know abou the PIPA bill? Well, it sucks. I suppose yall also noticed the google and wikipedia protest. If you love the internet the way it is, PLEASE google "PIPA petition", find the link, and of the to side you can put your name on it. Every name counts. Seriously, it would mean a lot to me. **

Sinead: I've been sitting for ten minutes waiting for you!

Jessi: I have a legitimate excuse!

Sinead: Which is?

Jessi: Do to, um, some issues we've been trying to work out, I owed Henry and Alejandro lunch. Want a buffalo wing?

Sinead: No, I… Well maybe one…

Jessi: See? There is no way for someone to remain angry when eating Buffalo wings.

Sinead: It's not really a wing if it's boneless. More a buffalo tender really.

Jessi: Bones are icky. And the shape makes it look like you're eating the fatty part of your hand; you know the part that attaches to your thumb? I'd rather have a tender than feel as though I'm a cannibal.

Sinead: I'm not hungry anymore…

Jessi: Oh please, you're all scientificy, you dissect things and you can't eat a wing over the talk of cannibalism?

Sinead: No. I can't.

Jessi: Sucks for you.

Sinead: It's not a talent I want…

Jessi: Is it possible to make a spray that gets rid of the pain of pepper spray?

Sinead: I guess. I've never really thought about it.

Jessi: Oh, what about pepper spray resistant contacts?

Sinead: I guess that's possible.

Jessi: Will you make me some?

Sinead: What do I get if I do?

Jessi: Whatever you want to know about the clue hunters.

Sinead: Anything?

Jessi: Anything. I need those contacts.

Sinead: Um, well, you see…

Jessi: Yes.

Sinead: I didn't even ask the question, how do you know the answer?

Jessi: I am a girl, I have supernatural girl instincts. He feels the same way.

Sinead: *She squeals. Actually _squeals_.* Are you serious! He likes me?

Jessi: Wow. Sinead Starling, kick butt genius just squealed over a guy.

Sinead: I'm only human!

Jessi: After all the experiments you've done with chemicals there are bound to be a few mutations somewhere along the line.

Sinead: I'm not mutated!

Jessi: Then explain you're sixth toe.

Sinead: I don't have a sixth toe!

Jessi: But you might grow one.

Sinead: I'm sure I won't grow a toe. Oh, who cares about toes? He likes me! *Squeals*

Jessi: Not if you keep squealing. I'm telling you, I'm going to be as deaf as my Mamaw. And not the sane one. The one that whacks children with her cane as she goes through Wal-Mart on her old person scooter-

Sinead: Don't mention scooters!

Jessi: Why can't I mention scooters?

Sinead: Bad memories! Bad, bad memories!

Jessi: Who has bad memories of scooters? It's a scooter. It's for small children and then there's the motorized kind for the insane elderly Mamaws of the world use to run over kids in the toy aisle…

Sinead: Stop saying the "s" word!

Jessi: I didn't! I have some morals!

Sinead: Not that "s" word! The other one!

Jessi: How many "s" words are there? I only know the one.

Sinead: The evil one!

Jessi: Um… Shakira?

Sinead: The one with wheels!

Jessi: Santa Clause?

Sinead: Santa Clause does not have wheels!

Jessi: It is in my personal belief that the Ekats created an army of Santa Clauses to make the children happy. Very noble of you.

Sinead: That's ridiculous!

Jessi: It's okay, I know that you only deny it because you don't want the kids to know that he's a robot. Maybe he'll get you a scooter?

Sinead: THAT "s" word.

Jessi: OH scooter.

Sinead: Stop it!  
>Jessi: Do you have a scooter issue?<p>

Sinead: It's not an issue!

Jessi: It certainly seems like an issue. So what caused it? Experiment gone wrong? Bad child hood memories? Allergy?

Sinead: No, no, and most definitely not!

Jessi: Then what's wrong?

Sinead: It's embarrassing.

Jessi: Good.

Sinead: Good?

Jessi: If it's not embarrassing, what fun would it be in harassing you until you give?

Sinead: How is that fun?

Jessi: Oh come on.

Sinead: No.

Jessi: I gave you classified dude information!

Sinead: I'm making you pepper spray proof contacts for that!

Jessi: Don't be evil! I'll tell him you _looovvveee_ him!

Sinead: Fine! Okay. So I was seven and I was in this science fair-

Jessi: I'm not surprised.

Sinead: And I was competing against this ten year old named Tom Reynolds, who was a German child prodigy-

Jessi: I'm still trying to picture a seven year old Sinead, give me a sec.

Sinead: and he had made this electric scooter that ran on 7 up, so I guess it wasn't really electric, but that's not the point. I don't really remember what I had made, I think it was some kind of phone, but well, I had a bit of a crush on Tom.

Jessi: Aw, that's too cute!

Sinead: We we're doing demonstrations and his table was next to mine.

Jessi: Yes, go on.

Sinead: And I was actually trying to talk to him before the judges got there. He was showing me how it works when it go caught on my skirt-

Jessi: Oh no.

Sinead: And… Well, you can imagine that it couldn't hold against the power of a 7 up scooter.

Jessi: Poor you.

Sinead: And to make it worse, Ned and Ted were mad because I had gone independent on the project, so they messed with my load of laundry and… the bottom line, I barley had any clothes left. So I… had to borrow Ned's boxers. I was left standing in front of Tom in them. Scooby-Doo no less!

Jessi: It… could have been worse….

Sinead: No, it could not have!

Jessi: Yea, you're probably right. You, Sinead Starling, hereby win the most embarrassing story award.

Sinead: What's the prize?

Jessi: Buffalo wings?

Sinead: Glad to see my humiliation got my somewhere.

Jessi: Well, I will never be able say the word scooter again, so you have succeeded in something.

Sinead: Great. Just great.

Jessi: So is that why I never got a scooter when I was five? You banned the Santa-bots from making them?

Sinead: There are no Santa-bots!

Jessi: Say what you want, I know you're secret.

*Screaming in the hallway*

Sinead: What is that!

Jessi: Alejandro and Henry tried to see you could eat the most wings. They couldn't handle the spiciness.

Sinead: Shouldn't you get them some water?

Jessi: Nah let them suffer.

*Henry burst into room*

Henry: WATER!

Jessi: You guys are so demanding.

Alejandro: Henry, don't bother the Ekat, I want a surfboard for Christmas! You know Ekats are the ones that made the Santa-bots!

Sinead: There is no such thing as Santa-bots!

Jessi, Henry, and Alejandro: That's what we're supposed to think!

**Okay, so much like Hamilton's, I ran out of caffine. But if I start on an interview, I'm seriously not able to sleep until I finish. So I hope yall love it, Alistairs up next! After him, Danatalie. I moved theres up, I really want to do it :)**


	8. Alistair

**A/N: Can you beleive how fast I'm updating? I know I can't. We have a three day weekend and my brothers not here to hog the computer, so I got to update really fast! Yay!**

Alistair: Hello.

Jessi: Can I see your cane?

Alistair: My cane?

Jessi: Your cane.

Alistair: Why my cane?

Jessi: Because how do I know it's not one of those canes that you pull out the top part and it's a sword?

Alistair: I'm not in enough shape to attack you with a sword, even if I did have one.

Jessi: How do I know it's not a gun?

Alistair: Who can fit a gun in a cane?

Jessi: You're an Ekat, you're capable!

Alistair: It's not a gun.

Jessi: I know. It's hollow, right? That's where you kept all your clues during the hunt.

Alistair: Why did you bother with the sword and gun bit if you already knew it was hollow?

Jessi: You could've updated. And I like flustering people. I find it amusing.

Alistair: Perhaps it should be updated. It's hardly useful now…

Jessi: So are you going to make it a gun? No offense, but I agree with you on the sword thing, it would be hard for you to use. Oooh, you could make it a laser! Or a cannon! Go for the cannon. You could shoot tacos! Villains would never expect a taco cannon! But you would need hot sauce. It's not a taco without hot sauce…

Alistair: I don't think a taco cannon would fend off criminals…

Jessi: Yes it would! Nothing stops dangerous people like a taco cannon! If you need to test it out, I'm sure we can get the Kabras in here…

Alistair: I'm not pelting children with tacos!

Jessi: Don't think of them as children, think of them as… guinea pigs. I, for one, think Ian would make a fabulous guinea pig. Go on; picture him as a guinea pig.

Alistair: While I'm sure Ian is a wonderful guinea pig, I'm still not going to shoot tacos at him. Or hot sauce.

Jessi: Would you shoot burritos at him? You are the Burrito King, what better weapon than a burrito shooting cane?

Alistair: Something that I could actually defend myself with like a gun?

Jessi: So you won't shoot guinea pig Ian with tacos or burritos but your just fine shooting him with a gun? Okay, I can live with that.

Alistair: That's not what I meant!

Jessi: You were just fine with setting Buffy on him.

Alistair: I didn't set Buffy on him, the boy wondered off on his own!

Jessi: Why was the library in the maze, why not a secret dungeon or anything? A dungeon would've been cool, like what if Buffy was a dragon?

Alistair: *Sighs* Dragons are mythical creatures; I couldn't have one guarding my library. And if my house was ever searched or destroyed, the library would've been lost. It was safer in the maze with Buffy guarding it.

Jessi: Why is the Ekaterina symbol the only one that's not real? Aren't yall supposed to be the logical ones?

Alistair: Katherine was the one who chose our symbol, not me.

Jessi: Yea, I guess. Fine, another question. Why did you choose burritos? Why not tacos? I'm glad you didn't do microwavable quesadillas, I've had those and they gave me food poisoning, bad chicken in it I guess.

Alistair: Because there are only so many ways you can make tacos! Soft, hard shells, veggie, with burritos the possibilities are endless!

Jessi: I disagree; there are many ways to make tacos.

Alistair: Such as?

Jessi: Chicken, beef, dessert, fish-

Alistair: Dessert tacos?

Jessi: Yea, you could take a sopapilla approach and fry the bread, then put in some cinnamon and strawberries and whipped cream and… Wow, I'm hungry.

Alistair: I have never heard of sopapilla.

Jessi: *Gasps.* How is that possible? There _AMAZING_! Whenever Alejandro, Henry, and I get Mexican, that's basically all we get. The smaller the entrée, the more room you have for dessert.

Alistair: Alejandro and Henry are…?

Jessi: The guards outside.

Alistair: Ah, them.

Jessi: So they _are_ outside?

Alistair: They're guards, isn't that their job?

Jessi: Yes, but I never really know if they're out there. They abandoned me a while ago. But I am a very forgiving person and forgave them right away.

Henry: *Muffled voice, because he's on the other side of the wall that seriously needs to get soundproofed* She chained us to a wall and Alejandro nearly exploded!

Jessi: Like I said, I forgave them very fast. Well, fast for me anyway. Have you ever been to prison?

Alistair: No! I have not!

Jessi: That was a little too fast for me to believe you. What did you do?

Alistair: I didn't do anything.

Jessi: I still don't believe you. Come on, please? I'll be your best friend.

Alistair: I have not been arrested.

Jessi: And I wasn't born yesterday. You are a Cahill, you were a clue hunter. What did you get arrested for?

Alistair: Nothing. I, Alistair Oh, have been arrested for nothing.

Jessi: Okay, so it was under an alias.

Alistair: I… no…

Jessi: Yes, it was! Ha! Okay, so if I were looking at your fake I.D., what name would be on it…?

Alistair: I haven't…

Jessi: So "Alistair" means protector of mankind, right? Well, you're an Ekat so you want to be clever, so you'd keep with the meaning… I'm guessing Alec.

Alistair: What? No I…

Jessi: Now, last name. "Oh". Common Korean surname. With it so common, you would've chosen something that relates to Ekat intelligence instead of sticking with it. But it would be too dangerous sticking with Korean, I mean come on, how many elderly Korean men are there in the Cahill family? Well, probably more, but you would be at the top of the list. So you went to Chinese, so I'm going to guess "Hui" which means intelligent. Alejandro, look up Alec Hui on the police records, would you?

Alejandro: Got it!

Alistair: Is this really necessary…

Alejandro: I found him! Alec Hui arrested two years ago for… public nudity…

Jessi: Wow. I'm detecting a pattern in the Ekat branch…

Alistair: I was pantsed by a small child at a park, it was nothing big.

Alejandro: And assault with a weapon. Says here he hit a kid with his cane. You know, the picture looks a lot like the old guy you're talking to. Except he has a mustache…

Henry: *Sighs* its fake, Alejandro.

Alejandro: Oh. Well then he actually looks just like…*gasps* Jessi, get out of there; you're in the room with a notorious child beater!

Alistair: I am not a child beater! The child took my hot dog. I was trying to run and get it back but my pants were around my ankles and I fell. The cane hit him while I was falling. I never did get my hotdog…

*I guess Alejandro didn't hear this; he burst into the room and threw MY laptop at him. The one that Hamilton just fixed. Again. Between Henry's llama phobia and Alejandro's selective hearing, my laptop is never going to be the same as it was. Alistair is okay. He just has a sore head. And a slight concussion. But on the bright side, he did get me connections to a prison jumper. Even after he was pummeled to a pulp.*

**So? What didya think? Danatalie is up next, but I'm not really sure after that. Maybe Nellie? Oh, and I've been thinking that for the last couple of chapters (Don't worry, I'm not even close to done, I just think ahead) what if for the second to last I interviewed Evan? And for the last, if I interviewed them all at once? I'm not sure about them all at once, seeing as it might get confusing or just be to many people. What do yall think?**


	9. Danatalie

**A/N: I'm soooo sorry it's taken for ever! I meant to write it 2 weeks ago, but school got in the way... but I've got it done now! **

Natalie: You just think you're just _so_ funny don't you?

Jessi: Actually, yes. I think I'm quite hilarious.

Natalie: I requested a _mauve_ prison jumper. What do I get? This.

Jessi: It's periwinkle.

Natalie: I know what it is!

Jessi: You don't know what I had to go through to get a periwinkle prison jumper in your size; the least you could do is be appreciative.

Natalie: I requested mauve.

Jessi: Just be happy that it's not orange, which is most definitely _not_ your color. It makes you resemble a bruised carrot.

Natalie: Hey!

Jessi: Oh come one! I even bedazzled it!

Natalie: You bedazzled "can't touch this" on the butt!

Jessi: I love that song… I could sing it…

Natalie: No!

Jessi: Hurtful much? Where's Dan, he should be here by now.

Natalie: As if I would know.

Dan: I'm here!

Jessi: You're late.

Dan: Well, yea but I'm here. Why is Natalie in a blue prison jumper?

Jessi: It's periwinkle!

Natalie: She refuses to get me a mauve one!

Dan: What is mauve? A kind of cotton?

Natalie: It's a color you twit!

Dan: Who names a color mauve?

Natalie: You make fun of mauve but not periwinkle?

Dan: At least I knew what periwinkle was.

Natalie: Don't side with her! I- Oh, this is not worth my time. What is Danatalie?

Dan: Danatalie?

Natalie: Last time I was here, she told me to Google Danatalie.

Jessi: Did you do it?

Natalie: No.

Jessi: What, why not?

Natalie: What if I don't want to know?

Jessi: That is the lamest excuse ever. Seriously.

Dan: What is Danatalie?

Jessi: You two aren't the brightest colors in the crown box are yall?

Natalie: Well apparently I'm periwinkle, and it's rather dim.

Jessi: Yes, you are. Okay. Now think about this and try to figure it out. Amy and Evan are a couple. Unfortunately. So instead of constantly referring to them as "Amy and Evan" you would call them, I don't know, Aman. Now, class, tell me what would you call Amy and Ian?

Dan: Disgusting.

Jessi: Try again.

Natalie: Uh… Amian?

Jessi: We are making progress. Let's try another. Hamilton and Sinead?

Natalie: Sinilton.

Dan: Hamnead.

Jessi: Both right, there are many variations. Now, time for a hard one. Dan and Natalie.

Natalie: Danatalie… wait…

Dan: NO!

Natalie: No way in this Prada filled world!

Dan: I would rather light my hair on fire!

Natalie: Walk onto a runway in a dress made of solid spandex!

Dan: Choke on a bicycle!

Natalie: Wear shoes made of banana peels!

Dan: Stab myself in the eyes with elephant tusks!

Natalie: Wear undergarments made of poison ivy!

Dan: … I don't think I can beat that one…

Natalie: Thank you, I thought it was quite good myself.

Jessi: Of course you get along when discussing things you would rather do than be Danatalie.

Natalie: I believe it is the one thing we can agree on.

Jessi: Of course it is. You two are so stubborn. But let's get onto the _fun_ part.

Dan: I don't like the way you're smiling.

Jessi: Ivan told me my smile was quite lovely, thank you very much.

Alejandro: Ivan doesn't speak English!

Jessi: Henry is giving him lessons!

Alejandro: Henry told him the way to say "Would you like to buy a magazine?" was "Those pants make your butt look _really _big!

Jessi: I knew he didn't mean it!

Henry: Al!

Jessi: Henry, I need your phone!

Henry: For what?

Jessi: Danatalie Googling!

Natalie: I _don't_ want to Google that!

Dan: Same here!

Jessi: Yes, well I have two very strong people that will hold you down while I Google Danatalie. You're out of luck.

Natalie: They wouldn't dare.

Jessi: Unless they want to return to the wall, they so would.

Henry: Dibs on the boy! Alejandro, you get you the sassy one.

Alejandro: Why am I holding Jessi down?

Jessi: Oh ha-ha. Very clever.

Alejandro: Thanks!

Jessi: Henry just give me the phone.

*Alright. Now we get to the fun part. Henry and Alejandro worked it out with Danatalie that they would only hold them down if they tried to escape. So they are watching by the door eating popcorn. And of course… I Google Danatalie with the two of them watching the rather tiny phone very nervously, awkwardly glancing at each other every few seconds. Well, apparently there is a band called Danatalie. Rather inconvenient. So we Google Danatalie fanfiction. And a link to a review for this story pops up, and it's supposed to be all secret like so I drop the phone and click the back button. Eventually I just go to fanfiction and find a fic of which I read aloud the funniest part I can find…*

Jessi: They held each other tightly, as if they would never let go. And they never would. Their lips met, and fireworks burst in the back ground…

Dan: MAKE IT STOP!

Jessi: Aw, but we haven't gotten to the part where you fall into the river and cling to each other for dear life and then Natalie has to give Dan mouth to mouth because he lost his inhaler and can't swim and is panicking so Natalie revives him-

Natalie: STOP SPEAKING!

Alejandro: Shut up! I want to hear how it ends!

Danatalie: WE DON'T!

Jessi: *sighs* and that was one of my favorites too.

Natalie: Why does _Dans_ name come first?

Jessi: What?

Natalie: Why is it _Dan_atalie? Why not _Nat_an?

Jessi: Well that another way to do it but-

Dan: Why shouldn't my name come first? I'm the guy!

Jessi and Natalie: And what's _that_ supposed to mean?

Henry: He's the guy, his name should come first.

Alejandro: Henry! How could you be so rude? That's so 1950!

Jessi: Thank you Al! I chose Danatalie because both of your full names were in it! I thought it was equal!

Dan: It's the better name, I come first!

Natalie: Natan is so much better! It just rolls off the tongue! _Natan_.

Jessi: Maybe you should name your kids that.

Dan: We would name them Danatalie!

Natalie: Natan!

Dan: Danatalie!

Natalie: Natan!

Dan: Danatalie!

Jessi: Are you seriously arguing over what you're going to name your kids?

Natalie: No! We were…

Dan: No…

Alejandro: *Sighs* their so perfect together…

*Natalie gets up to leave*

Dan: Is your butt bedazzled…?

**A/N: I'm serious, when you Google Danatalie fanfiction, a link to Rouma Hassit's review for my story pops up! It's the first one! I thought it was awesome... Review! Nellie is next!**


	10. Nellie

**I KNOW! I've taken forever to update. I blame school. It's a stupid exuse, but it really is the reason. Wanna know what _I_ have to do? Make a chair out of newpaper that can hold me for five minutes. That's right, blame the teachers! But I'm good now! I'll update faster next time, promise!**

Nellie: Not cool. Not cool at _all_.

Jessi: You'll get it back when we're done, promise.

Nellie: You can't just _take_ a girls iPod. Much less force it from her hands!

Jessi: Would you have turned it off during the interview?

Nellie: Well… maybe. Now we'll never know.

Jessi: Relax; it is safe in Henry's gorilla like hands. That's weird…

Nellie: What?

Jessi: Henry always eavesdrops; he would've yelled something through the wall about his hands being a manly size and not remotely gorilla like. But… nothing…

Nellie: Maybe he took a break.

Jessi: He wouldn't do that again. Alejandro's bladder nearly exploded last time he did that…

Nellie: Do I-

Jessi: No, you don't want to know.

Nellie: Then I will not ask.

Jessi: Yes, that's probably the safest route.

Nellie: Right. Ummm… the big guy out front?

Jessi: Which big guy?

Nellie: The one that didn't steal my iPod.

Jessi: Temporarily confiscate.

Nellie: Steal. And no, the other one…

Jessi: I know. His hair.

Nellie: Yes. His hair. What…

Jessi: Iris cut it.

Nellie: Iris?

Jessi: My therapist Ivan's sister.

Alejandro: He can't be your therapist if he doesn't speak English!

Jessi: He's learning Al! He's learning! Anyway, their Estonian, and-

Nellie: Estonian?

Jessi: Yea, from Estonia, a country located underneath Finland. Anyway, they don't speak much English, but Iris is going to beauty school and they have these haircut deals where a student could cut your hair for free. And Al is cheap.

Alejandro: I am not! Ivan said she was good!

Jessi: Ivan also told you he liked your pants.

Alejandro: Leave my pants out of this!

Nellie: They have pictures of acorns on them dude.

Jessi: I told you to get the peanuts!

Alejandro: I have an allergy! Do you want me to puff up like a puff up fish?

Nellie: It's a puffer fish, not a puff up fish.

Jessi: There aren't actual peanuts in the pants!

Nellie: I can't believe you let a student cut your hair.

Alejandro: She's attending beauty school!

Jessi: For nails! Not hair!

Alejandro: You could've mentioned that!

Jessi: I did! Several times! And now look at the consequence of ignoring me!

Alejandro: It's not that bad!

Nellie: You look like an Easter egg.

Jessi: You should've seen her. She was laying on the dye like a ninja. The woman likes color.

Alejandro: I'm not talking to you!

Jessi: Yes you are!

Alejandro: *silence*

Jessi: Oh come on Al!

Alejandro: *more silence*

Nellie: Give him time, he'll calm down. I've taken care of Amy and Dan, I know.

Jessi: And I admire you for surviving. But on to the fun stuff.

Nellie: I'm worried.

Jessi: You see Nellie, about two minutes before your interview; someone slipped me a couple of child hood photos…

Nellie: Oh no.

Jessi: Oh yes. I must say, you would be perfect for Toddlers & Tiaras.

Nellie: I was forced! It was child abuse I tell you!

Jessi: Because abusive parents enter their daughters in beauty pageants.

Nellie: I hated them. _Hated them._ I dreaded them.

Jessi: I like this picture best. The one where you're doing talent and your talent was an air guitar?

Nellie: I remember that! I was supposed to do a dance routine but I totally blanked and winged it…

Jessi: I like the Mohawk.

Nellie: *Sighs* I styled that with a squirt bottle of honey right before I went on. The family was furious. I won though. I kicked butt.

Jessi: But one of my very favorites is this one…

Nellie: You put that away!

Jessi: But it's so much fun to look at! You look just like-

Nellie: Don't you dare!

Jessi: An exotic Barbie! You got the puffy pink dress, the fairy wings, and the fake unicorn tattoo-

Nellie: I was six! Six! I had no say in the matter!

Jessi: And here is a picture of you being forced into said dress while you are kicking and screaming…

Nellie: I like that one. I look so dangerous.

Jessi: As dangerous as a six year old with a bump it can look.

Nellie: That is not a bump it! That is my real hair! I had awesome hair for a six year old! They didn't even have bump its.

Jessi: How old are you?

Nellie: None of your business. Who left you these pictures?

Jessi: I don't know. Anonymous, remember? Who would have access to them?

Nellie: Considering I kept them with me so no one would stumble upon them back at home? I have no clue.

Jessi: Oh come on! You live with two Cahills and you kept them with you?

Nellie: DAN!

Jessi: That makes a lot of sense actually.

Nellie: Just because I take away his play station! Fine, you know what? I have pictures of Dan sleeping with a stuffed animal! It's a squirrel, he calls it Acorn!

Jessi: Like Alejandro's awful pants. How old is he in these pictures?

Nellie: Eleven.

Jessi: Does he know you have such pictures?

Nellie: Nope.

Jessi: Care to show them the Cahill clan?

Nellie: YES! REVENGE! When and where?

Jessi: Final interview, here.

Nellie: It's a small room to fit all of us in…

Jessi: We'll manage. I'm thinking we'll-

Nellie: Shhhh! Do you hear that?

Jessi: Yea, totally… what am I hearing exactly?

Nellie: *whisper yelling* Music!

Jessi: Right, yea… so?

Nellie: So it's I have this song on my iPod!

Jessi: Relax; your iPod is still safe in Henry's gorilla hands… Really? Still no protest?

Nellie: I haven't heard him speak the whole time.

Jessi: Not even when we were discussing Alejandro's stupid hair…

Alejandro: Hey!

Jessi: Ha! You talked! Al, what is Henry doing?

Alejandro: Umm… stuff.

Nellie: Musical stuff?

Alejandro: …Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know, his life is his life, my life is mine, I really just try to mind my own business and keep out of others business…

Jessi: Alejandro, you have a subscription to US Weekly, People, and Okay.

Alejandro: The stars don't count!

Jessi: And you eavesdrop on my sessions with Ivan!

Alejandro: No I don't!

Jessi: Really? When I was four at a zoo…

Alejandro: A dolphin pulled you under the water when you feeding it and now you're terrified of sea creatures and refuse to eat seafood. Oh crap! I still don't eavesdrop…

Nellie: Is Henry listening to my iPod!

Alejandro: …Maybe

Nellie: GET YOUR GORILLA HANDS OFF MY IPOD!

*Nellie, in a fit of musical rage, (seriously, this could so be a musical. I can see it now… High School Musical get of the way, its Nellie's time to shine!) Anyway, Nellie threw open the door, where Alejandro with his Easter egg haircut was trying to pry the iPod out of Henry's greedy paws, and Nellie then preceded to karate kick him in a very manly part, take her iPod, beat him up some more, and then storm out. But not before-*

Nellie: I'll get you those Dan photos. See you at the final interview! And I will be _keeping_ my iPod by my side. And you better burn those photos.

*And I might have burned the photos. Not because I was afraid of her or anything just cause… I had a pyro fit. That's all. Really, I wasn't scared at all…*

**I didn't edit, so I apoligize for mistakes. Thank you Amianfan102, for letting me use our pageant bit for Nellie! And I'm thinking Ian next, but it could change. And remember, Sinead made me pepper spray proof contacts... Plans are being devised in my mind...**


	11. Madison and Regan

**I know I said Ian. But I lied. Not intentionally, but now it's Madison and Regan. BUT I've been writing for... well, it's seems like forever and I did my best. **

Regan: I don't even want to know. I really don't.

Madison: I do.

Regan: No, you don't.

Madison: You can't tell me if I want to know or not!

Regan: Yes I can!

Madison: Since when?

Regan: Since I know that you don't want to know!

Madison: What?

Jessi: Ah, the sound of siblings bickering. There is nothing like it.

Madison: We want to know.

Regan: No we don't!

Madison: Yes we do!

Regan: No we don't!

Jessi: I'm going to tell you anyway.

Madison: Ha! Suck it Regan!

Jessi: What did you want to know?

Madison: …What do we want to know, Regan?

Regan: You don't even- never mind. We don't want to know what the two guys outside the door are doing with a blind fold and a Llama.

Jessi: _Oh_! That. Okay, Henry is the one with the blindfold. Henry has a llama issue.

Regan: A llama issue?

Jessi: He has a fear of llamas.

Madison: Who has a fear of llamas?

Jessi: Someone with a really weird childhood that we are not going to get into right now. Anyway, Alejandro, the one with that's not blind folded-

Madison: What's up with his hair?

Jessi: A very bad haircut. Anyway, Al has an issue with my current therapist.

Alejandro: He spit on me Jessi! _Spit on me_! A man does not deserve to be spit upon!

Jessi: And Al has a problem with spit. So he got this idea into his head that I will drop Ivan and he can be my therapist. Which is stupid.

Alejandro: Feelings! I have feelings!

Jessi: Which is why you can't be my therapist! Half of my issues go back to you somehow!

Alejandro: Do not!

Jessi: Al, tell me. Why is it that I can't go into elevators?

Alejandro: That was an accident!

Madison: What happened?

Jessi: Let's just say, Al's biggest problem is his _extremely weak _bladder.

Alejandro: That all started when you chained us to a wall!

Jessi: Which happened because you abandoned me!

Regan: You chained them to a wall?

Madison: Do you think we can do that to Hamilton?

Jessi: Continuing on! Anyway, I told him that if he cured Henry of his llama problem, he could be my therapist. So he is trying this out.

Regan: So to cure him of his problem, he got a blindfold and a llama?

Jessi: I don't know how his mind works anymore than I know how cheese is made. But, that's not why we are here. We are here so I can interview you. Madison.

Madison: Um… what?

Jessi: Hamilton sent me a video. A very interesting video. Do you know what this video was of?

Madison: I don't think I want to know.

Regan: Sure, now you don't want to know!

Jessi: This video was of a certain girl, lip sinking along to Justin Beiber using a hair brush as a microphone and dancing around her bed room.

Madison: He promised he would delete that! He promised!

Regan: *Laughing* I knew it! I knew you were a Belieber! I knew it when I saw that death threat you were sending to Selena Gomez!

Madison: She is so wrong for him!

Regan: You're a Belieber!

Madison: You can't say anything! You have _all_ of Jonah's songs on your iPod!

Jessi: *Smiling* you do?

Regan: Jonah gives Ham free CDs! Ham hates them! He'd never tell Jonah that, but he does! So I take them.

Jessi: Why let Jonah Wizard CDs go to waste?

Madison: I still can't believe Ham did that to me!

Regan: I can! Mad, you messaged Sinead and let her think it was him!

Madison: That was harmless!

Regan: You told her that he watches her sleep!

Madison: So she was a little creeped out, Hamilton explained it to her when he caught me! I didn't deserve this!

Jessi: Is now a bad time to tell you it's on YouTube?

Madison: _I am going to kill him_!

Jessi: Before you kill him, how about revenge? What does Hamilton not want anyone to know about him?

Madison: He has an obsession with the Spice Girls!

Regan: In second grade, he went to school in his pajamas! Three times!

Madison: He was kicked out of knitting club for throwing a knitting needle at the teacher and almost taking her eye out!

Regan: He takes medicine for bladder control!

Madison: He still has a teddy bear Mom gave him when he was two! He sleeps with it when he's scared!

Regan: He makes really good chocolate chip cookies…

Madison: He has an obsession with the Spice Girls!

Jessi: You said that already.

Madison: I know, but you should hear him sing along to them. He's awful. And I don't like them much either.

Alejandro: How dare you! The Spice Girls are a sacred thing!

Henry: Al, what's up with your breath?

Alejandro: Why'd you take out your ear plugs? I'm not done!

Henry: I can't wear a blindfold and ear plugs forever Al! I feel like Helen Keller!

Regan: Helen Keller couldn't talk.

Alejandro: Be Helen Keller Henry! Unleash your inner Helen!

Regan: She also stabbed her teacher with a fork.

Alejandro: Don't be Helen Keller!

Henry: Stop bossing me around! You don't even have a degree!

Alejandro: I am the therapist! I decide how I treat you! Now put your ear plugs back in!

Henry: Fine! But get a breath mint!

Jessi: Oh. My. Google. Al, does he know there's a llama in front of him?

Alejandro: Um… Not yet.

Jessi: _And when were you going to tell him_?

Alejandro: The only way he can get over this is to confront it Jessi!

Jessi: Oh my Google, how exactly are you planning on helping me get over my elevator issue?

Madison: I am so glad I'm not you.

Alejandro: Let the genius work!

Jessi: This is not going to end well. At all.

Regan: I think it's kind of funny.

Jessi: You'll change your mind when he sees the llama.

Madison: We can handle it.

Jessi: Ha. My laptop couldn't… But fine. If you think you can handle it, you can be my Human shield.

Regan: We'll be fine.

Henry: Al, I don't think this is your head…

Alejandro: Why can't you keep the ear plugs in? Of course it's my head! Have you ever felt hair so soft?

Henry: Your hair isn't this long…

Alejandro: Um… I got extensions.

Henry: In the last ten minutes?

Alejandro: Yea. Jessi put them in…

Henry: Jessi can't even put her hair back in a ponytail without help.

Jessi: Hurtful!

Henry: Al… your ears aren't this pointy.

Alejandro: …I had some work done.

Henry: I'm taking off the blind fold!

Alejandro: Henry no!

Henry: LLAMA!

*Stupid Alejandro. I, due to Henry's thrashing, now have a black eye. Madison and Regan fled the scene, but not before the llama tried to eat Madison's hair. _They_ made it to the elevator. So much for a human shield. The stairs were a little farther. As in, past Henry. Hence, the black eye. But I was not taking the elevator. Never. Again.*

**Nellie's chapter wasn't very funny, I know. I'm sorry :( I will try to make it up to you. BUT I have decided I want to do either Ian or Jonah next. SO. If yall love me will you please you review with your choice of the two (Or not the two. Whoever you feel like you just need to read)? And leave a question for them! It is not an interview if there are no questions!**


	12. Ian again

**A/N: I know, I'm updating slower and slower and I'm sorry! I will try to get better! I hope yall like the chapter, I kind of rushed it so it may not be that great. **

Ian: What is _that_?

Jessi: _That_ is your future, Teddy Bear.

Ian: Don't call me that! And what… that shouldn't even _fit_ in this room.

Jessi: Well, it does. It took a lot of work to get it in here though, let me tell you.

Alejandro: Like you would know, we were the ones who had to get it in there!

Jessi: But it is the product of my brain child! It's worth it!

Henry: Your brain child nearly threw my back out!

Ian: Brain child?

Alejandro: Idea. Her idea.

Ian: Why can't you just say idea?

Jessi: Where's the fun in that? But it doesn't matter. It's here for a reason.

Ian: I have a feeling I'm not going to like it.

Henry: Run boy. Run.

Jessi: Quiet, you two! You're supposed to be guarding, not talking! Anyway, I got to thinking about what questions to ask you for your interview. I go through all the normal questions to ask, like is that your natural hair color, which came first the peanut or the butter, do you like sour skittles better than regular skittles, you know, stuff like that. But then I start thinking about your past, and how you never really had a childhood or fun, and I thought I would have something fun for you to do!

Ian: Okay. 1: Why would you ever think this wasn't my natural hair color? 2: the peanut is a plant, but butter is made by people, so the peanut obviously came first. 3: I don't know what skittles are so I don't know. 4: You consider these _normal_ questions? 5: I had a very fun child hood, mind you! And 6: to redeem the child hood you think I never had, you install _a mechanical bull_!

Jessi: Don't do the number thing! If people do the number thing, I feel I have to reply with numbers!

Ian: You don't have to reply to all of the numbers-

Jessi: 1: I personally think that shaggy black of main of yours is actually blonde. 2: I guess that makes sense. 3: You never having skittles proves my lost childhood point! 4: Yes, I do consider those normal questions. 5: Oh yea? What was so fun about it? And 6: I rode a mechanical bull a lot when I was little! So you get to ride one!

Ian: I am not blonde! And my childhood was wonderful.

Jessi: I can so see it. I'm besides; your roots are starting to show.

Ian: My hair is not dyed!

Jessi: Me think thou doth protest too much.

Ian: I would make an awful blonde!

Jessi: Duh. Why else would you dye it black?

Ian: So if you think mine is dyed, what do you think about Natalie's?

Jessi: It's naturally black. Duh.

Ian: If you think hers is black, then why do you think mines dyed!

Jessi: Because I know it is! Stop yelling at me! I'm sorry; I didn't know you'd get so defensive about it!

Ian: I'm not defensive!

Jessi: You know what? I'm just going to leave your hair alone.

Ian: Thank you.

Jessi: Because we need to get up on Inigo!

Ian: Inigo?

Henry: She named the beast.

Jessi: Inigo is not a beast!

Ian: Why Inigo?

Jessi: After the Montoya!

Ian: … The Montoya?

Jessi: Have you never seen the Princess Bride?

Ian: The what?

Jessi: *Gasp* What? It is like a rite of passage!

Ian: I never saw it.

Jessi: It's a book too!

Ian: So why would you name the boy after a character in a novel?

Jessi: Because of the quote!

Ian: I've never seen the movie! I don't know the quote!

Jessi: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya; you killed my father; prepare to die!

Ian: I don't get it.

Jessi: He's a bull! Like you've never eaten a hamburger.

Ian: You're going to put me on a bull named after character who's says "You killed my father; prepare to die!"?

Jessi: I figured it was fitting. Which it is. Now get on!

Ian: No!

Jessi: Why not!

Ian: It's a mechanical bull!

Jessi: Come on Teddy Bear! Redeem your lost childhood!

Ian: And if I don't?

Jessi: Pepper spray.

Ian: Can I have a helmet?

Jessi: You're a Teddy Bear! You soft insides will cushion your fall.

Ian: What?

Jessi: Joking! We couldn't fit the usual soft flooring that goes around it in the room, so I got you a marshmallow suit.

Ian: What is a marshmallow suit?

Jessi: It's a puffy white suit to protect you for when; I mean if, you fall off.

Ian: So… I'm going to look like a marshmallow?

Jessi: No, you're going to _resemble_ a marshmallow. Now put it on.

Ian: Really don't think…

Jessi: Please! Please Teddy Bear, please!

*I really thought it would take a lot more begging to get him in the suit. But, I guess he really did want to redeem his childhood. He put it on, and surprise, looked like a marshmallow!*

Ian: Okay… I think I'm ready.

Jessi: Yay! Let me run you through this. You are a Lucian, right?

Ian: Well, I'm a Madrigal-

Jessi: But you have Lucian training.

Ian: Yes.

Jessi: I want you to use every ounce of the training they gave you stay on Inigo. Don't let him extract revenge upon you for eating his father! Don't do it Teddy Bear! But most importantly, don't die!

Ian: Die? You know what; this might not be the best idea-

Jessi: And go!

Ian: OH MY GOOGLE!

Jessi: Get him Inigo! He killed your father!

Ian: Why aren't you cheering for me!

Jessi: DON'T DIE TEDDY BEAR!

Ian: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

*Note to all, Lucians/Madrigals are very good at mechanical bull riding. For the first bit. Until the bull gets really wild and throws them off and they hit a wall. This is why mankind invented marshmallow suits. But that's not the point, the point is he actually did it and I was very proud.*

Jessi: I can't believe you did it! You have embraced you little Ian!

Ian: What I embraced was a wall.

Jessi: You still embraced something!

Ian: Are you happy?

Jessi: Yes! Extremely!

Alejandro: So is now a good time to tell you that my little sister is coming for a visit?

Jessi: WHAT? The little beast is not allowed anywhere near me!

Henry: How is she a little beast if she's taller than you?

Jessi: Al! She's awful!

Henry: Ha. Runs in the family.

Alejandro: Offensive!

Ian: What's so bad about his sister?

Jessi: EVERYTHING!

Henry: She and Jessi don't get along.

Jessi: She is the whole reason for the elevator incident! And we all know she's the one that shaved my head! And gave me food poisoning!

Alejandro: I think you got your payback when you locked her in the lion exhibit at the zoo…

Henry: And burned off her eyebrows…

Alejandro: And gave her a bouquet of flowers with poison ivy and said it was from a secret admirer.

Jessi: As if she would have an admirer!

Alejandro: Jessi, she's my sister.

Jessi: It's okay; I don't blame you for that.

Ian: It's sad I'm going to miss this…

Jessi: Can Ian do the interview? Sinead's next and I don't think I can do it with that thing anywhere near me!

Alejandro: Actually… It was her birthday Jessi! Her birthday! She knew you were doing interviews!

Henry: Oh my Google Al, what did you do!

Alejandro: I told her someone could interview her! She just wants to be interviewed! She said it will be good practice for when she's famous…

Jessi: As if she could be famous! I'm not doing it Al!

Alejandro: Please! Please, please, please, please, please! Get someone to interview her with you!

Jessi: Like who?

Alejandro: I don't know, find someone!

Jessi: No! She's not allowed anywhere near this building!

Alejandro: What if Ian or someone did it? You don't even have to be near the room!

Jessi: Fine. Find someone to do it, she can be interviewed. But I'm talking to her. Come on, Ian.

Ian: What? Where are we going?

Jessi: I'm upset and you have never had Skittles. We are going to answer the "is sour better than regular" question.

Ian: I'm eating peasant food?

Jessi: And you'll love it.

**A/N: I don't know why, but I really wanted to try out this thing with a clue hunter interviewing a character. And Alejandro's evil little sister is perfect. Okay, she's not so little, she's 14, same as me, but whatev. THE IMPORTANT QUESTION is who should do the interview? PLEASE review with your answer, and if you don't like this idea, I'm sorry, but I want to experiment. And i hope you liked Ian's chapter!**


	13. Carla

**A/N: I don't know if I like this chapter or not. But I stil l wanted to try this out. Mabye I'll do it again. **

Hamilton: Jonah? What are you doing here?

Jonah: I'm here for my interview. Duh.

Hamilton: No, I'm here for my interview…

Henry: Neither of you are here for your interview.

Hamilton: Hey Henry, nice to see you not chained to a wall. What do you mean? I got an email from Jessi saying she wanted me to do an interview.

Jonah: Chained to a wall? And yea, same here.

Henry: She didn't mean she was going to interview you, she meant she wanted you to do an interview.

Jonah: Isn't that kind of her job?

Henry: Not even Buffalo wings could make Jessi do this interview.

Hamilton: Should we be scared?

Jonah: Wait, who are we interviewing?

Henry: Alejandro's little sister, Carla.

Jonah: Why does she need to be interviewed?

Henry: Because, she believes she is going to be famous one day and needs the practice.

Hamilton: Yea, but if she can survive an interview with Jessi, she can do anything. We should know.

Henry: You don't want Jessi and Carla in the same room.

Hamilton: Why not?

Alejandro: It's… a… long… story…

Henry: Al, where have you been? And why are you out of breath?

Alejandro: Carla took the elevator, but I wanted to tell them what they should know, so I pushed all the buttons and ran up the stairs. Okay, Henry have you smelt your oats?

Henry: I thought you said she stopped with the perfume!

Alejandro: She wanted to wear it today.

Jonah: Oats?

Henry: Her perfume is awful and she uses way too much. Al's used to it, but I smell oats so I don't have to. I'm allergic; it makes my nose stuffy so I can't smell anything.

Jonah: I'm allergic to mangosteen.

Hamilton: You're allergic to… what?

Alejandro: Mangosteen is a fruit that takes five years to grow in extreme tropical conditions.

Hamilton: Oh. I'm allergic to medication for athlete's foot.

*Everyone steps away from Hamilton*

Alejandro: Anyway, Carla can be a bit dramatic, so be careful what you say. I advise you to not mention Jessi, lions, fire, or poison ivy. And- _wait, Hamilton what are you doing here_?

Hamilton: Jessi emailed me.

Alejandro: What? She wouldn't-

Jonah: Whoa! What is that smell?

Alejandro: Henry, take you oats!

Jonah: It's like… green tea and sweat. Hamilton, if you were a girl, that's what you would smell like.

Hamilton: What?

Jonah: You know, like you do now, but with green tea.

Hamilton: Are you saying I smell like sweat?

Alejandro: Okay, Hamilton it's too late to get you out of here, but try to say as little as possible and whatever you do, don't-

*Elevator dings and Al kind of squeaks and pulls Henry out of the room to stand by the door*

Carla: Al! I'm late because of you!

Alejandro: Sorry Carla! I… had a muscle spasm.

Carla: We'll talk about this later!

*And the beast enters the room*

Jonah: Hi, I'm Jonah and this is Hamilton. You must be Carla.

Carla: *Smiles* Nice to meet you. Now, we don't have much time. Hamilton, I've printed out a list of questions you can ask me.

Jonah: What am I supposed to do?

Carla: What? Oh, um, sorry Jeremiah. I didn't know I had two interviewers. You can just ask whatever.

Jonah: *Gives this really strange kind of gasp that I guess someone with a really big ego would make if someone doesn't know your name* Jeremiah!

Carla: Look, I'm sorry, if you have an issue with your name, you should probably talk to your mother about that. Anyway, Hammy, maybe you should start with your questions? *And she flutters her eyelashes*

Jonah: Hammy?

Hamilton: Do I know you from somewhere?

Carla: I don't think so.

Hamilton: *Looks at the list of questions and raises his eyebrows* Are you single?

Jonah: Is that really on there?

Carla: Shut up Jimmy. Yes, as I matter of fact I am. For now.

Hamilton: *looks back at list, ignoring Jonah's spluttering about the name thing* Are you looking for a relationship?

Jonah: *Trying to see the list* you cannot be serious.

Carla: *Sighs* I am looking for a relationship, but I just haven't found a good match for me. Yet. *Winks at Hamilton.*

Hamilton: *starring at list* Um… do you like buff men?

Jonah: I have a question!

Carla: *Glares at Jonah* What, Jerrod?

Jonah: Why are these questions on the list?

Carla: Why are you questioning my questions?

Jonah: Because they just don't seem like regular interview questions! Hamilton, back me up here!

Hamilton: He's kind of right-

Carla: Yes, Hammy, I _adore_ buff men. You're actually pretty buff yourself; can I feel your biceps?

Jonah: We have a no touching the interviewer policy here. Back off.

Carla: Gosh, Jack, you sound like a jealous girlfriend.

Jonah: My. Name. Is. Jonah!

Carla: Like the Jonas brothers?

Jonah: AH!

Hamilton: Maybe we should move on to the next question.

Jonah: Wow. Wonder what this one's going to be about.

Hamilton: Do you enjoy long walks on the beach under the stars with really buff men? You know, I really don't feel comfortable with these questions.

Jonah: No one is!

Carla: *puts her hand over Hamilton's on the table* Why, yes, I enjoy those very much.

Jonah: *Takes Carla's hand off of Hamilton's, who is blushing.* Carla, this is weird.

Carla: There's only one more question.

Jonah: One more. Then you leave.

Hamilton: *Still blushing, looks at the last one on the list without thinking about it* will you go on a date with Mike.

Jonah: What? Who's Mike?

Hamilton: I don't know. It just says Mike.

Carla: No it doesn't!

Hamilton: Yea, it does. See, Mike.

Carla: You smudged it! It says "me"!

Hamilton: You want to date yourself?

Jonah: Hamilton! She's trying to trick you into going out with her!

*Suddenly, voices are heard from outside the door.*

Sinead: I just don't get why we had to take the stairs. Whoa, what is that smell?

Jessi: I don't know, it smells like- Al, where is she?

Alejandro: Jessi, what are you doing here?

Jessi: I'm interviewing Sinead! We went to lunch first.

Sinead: Buffalo wings. Apparently, Jessi's gotten over her bone issue.

Jessi: Why is _it_ here?

Alejandro: Um… I don't know what you're talking about.

Jessi: I can smell that awful perfume she wears!

*I burst into the room, Sinead is following behind me*

Jessi: What are you doing here? Jonah is interviewing you tomorrow!

Jonah: Hamilton's not supposed to be here?

Hamilton: But you emailed me!

Jessi: No I didn't!

Hamilton: Yea you did! Aren't you Jessiheartswings-

Jessi: That's not my address!

Alejandro: Carla, what did you do?

Carla: I don't know what you're talking about.

Jessi: Get out of my room!

Carla: I don't see your name in it!

Jessi: GET OUT!

Sinead: What's going on?

Carla: Get out of her, you awful little red head!

Hamilton: HEY! Don't talk to her like that!

Jonah: Fight for your woman Ham!

Carla: Fight for me Hammy!

Jonah: I wasn't talking about you!

Sinead: Hamilton, why would she think he was talking about her?

Jonah: She's insane and obsessed with him!

Carla: He's my man!

*Carla, being the insane women she is, tries to hold his hand*

Sinead: Paws off you horrible little witch!

Jessi: Pull her hair!

Carla: Al! They're ganging up on me!

*Silence*

Carla: AL!

Henry: Stop screaming! He left.

Carla: _He what!_

Jessi: Suck it you she demon!

Henry: They started talking about wings, so I sent him to get us some.

Carla: Why couldn't you do it?

Henry: Like I would miss this?

Jessi: He's got a point.

Carla: Shut up! Come on Hammy, we're leaving!

Sinead: He's not going anywhere with you!

Carla: And what are you going to do about it?

*Sinead is now officially my role model. Whenever I have questions about life, I will go to her. Should I get a new cell phone plan? Ask Sinead. The kid behind you on the plane keeps kicking your seat? Ask Sinead. Don't know what movie to rent? Ask Sinead. Because she did the best thing a girl could do in this situation. She punched Carla and broke her nose.*

Jessi: Go Sinead, go!

Hamilton and Jonah: Whoa.

Jessi: Hit her again!

*Carla, with her bleeding nose, ran out of the room.*

Jonah: *Runs to the door* and my name is Jonah!

*Hamilton is staring at Sinead in wonder.*

Jessi: Wow, Sinead. You got a little defensive of Hamilton there, huh?

Sinead: *Blushes* Umm…

Jessi: I don't think we're going to be able to do our interview today Sinead.

Jonah: Nope, not after this.

Jessi: I really want some tea. Henry, Jonah, care to join me?

Henry: Sure. Maybe we'll catch Al before he gets back with the wings and we're gone.

Jessi: We can leave a note.

Henry: *raises eyebrows* maybe we could invite Ivan's nephew, Jessi.

Jessi: *Blushing* shut up.

Jonah: Oh? And who is Ivan's nephew?

Henry: You'll see. And he can actually speak English.

Jonah: *Smirking at me* I can't wait to meet him.

Jessi: You two are awful!

*We wrote a note for Al, and left Sinead and Hamilton alone. Okay, so I left the recorder on the table on. So sue me. But I'll respect their privacy. And never tell you what was said.*

**A/N: Soooo? I'm unsure about this chapter, but I knew it was as good as it was going to get. So, Sinead is up next. OH! And thank you very much to Silver Tiger 123 because she suggested Jonah (Yall all wanted Ian, but I just did Ian last chapter. There is such a thing as too much Ian) and I loved that idea. Because I wanted to have him do it with Hamilton and she said crazy fan girl but I guess I kind of switched it over to Hamilton, but anyway, thank you very very much! So, Sinead next, review AND LEAVE HER QUESTIONS!**


	14. Sinead Again

**A/N: Ugh! I don't like this chapter much either! You don't even have to tell me, I know it's not my best and it's short and not good. But I'm busy and it's all I've got and I'm going to be gone this weekend. So myself and you are going to have to live with it, because otherwise yall would have to wait much longer for another chapter. Seriously, I don't even have time to read stories anymore :(**

Sinead: That was an invasion of privacy!

Jessi: It was not! I just forgot to turn off the recorder…

Sinead: Yea, forgot!

Jessi: So your forgive me?

Sinead: Delete it! That was a private conversation!

Jessi: Do you see what you do Al? You can't keep her mouth shut and you tell her about the recording!

Alejandro: It just slipped out!

Henry: Hey Jessi, wasn't that recorder ruined when you fell in the park fountain?

Jessi: I didn't _fall_! You watched Alexei _throw me in_!

Henry: Yea. It was funny.

Sinead: Wait, the recordings gone?

Henry: That's a new recorder. She didn't even get to listen to the old one. We came back and got it and then left again and then-

Jessi: I was thrown into a fountain!

Henry: -the old one was ruined.

Alejandro: Why didn't _I_ know this!

Jessi: You were attempting to flirt with the lady at the hot dog stand.

Henry: I still don't think it's a woman.

Alejandro: Woman can wear their hair short!

Jessi: I didn't know we could grow mustaches.

Alejandro: It wasn't a mustache!

Jessi: You're right. It was just a caterpillar hibernating on her upper lip.

Sinead: So who's Alexei?

Jessi: Ivan's nephew. He's teaching Ivan English. He almost understands me now; it makes therapy so much easier.

Alejandro: Alexei is her _loooovvveeerr_.

Henry: At least he doesn't have a mustache.

Alejandro: Stop it!

Jessi: Both of you shut up! This is Sinead's interview; we're not here to talk about Al's hairy love life!

Sinead: Or yours?

Jessi: Shut. Up.

Sinead: Have I hit a nerve?

Jessi: Change of subject! Um… Have you ever made any instruments?

Sinead: What? Well… once.

Jessi: Oh? Why only once?

Sinead: It was… a mission.

Jessi: You made an instrument… for a mission?

Sinead: It was during the clue hunt, I would never do it today.

Jessi: What did you do?

Sinead: We were looking for a Janus clue! So I made a keyboard that had a voice recorder in it and… I sold it to Jonah.

Jessi: You spied on Jonah?

Sinead: Only for a little bit!

Jessi: Only a little bit? What, did he break it?

Sinead: No… the Clue Hunt ended.

Jessi: Wait, he still _has it_?

Sinead: Um… yes.

Jessi: And it's bugged?

Sinead: Well… yea.

Jessi: Do you still listen to it?

Sinead: NO! I just still have it hooked up to my phone, I've been meaning to delete it but-

Jessi: Wait, it's still on your phone? Like the phone you have with you?

Sinead: Yes.

Jessi: Turn it on!

Sinead: No! If Jonah ever found out-

Jessi: Private interviews Sinead! No one will ever know!

Sinead: I can't!

Jessi: Please! I'll do whatever you want!

Sinead… whatever I want?

Jessi: I'll probably regret this, but sure. Whatever you want.

Sinead: Fine.

Jessi: Fine?

Sinead: Yea, I'll do it.

Jessi: Turn it on!

Sinead: Hold on, give me a second…

Jonah: Phoenix, come on! Feel the music!

Phoenix: Jonah, I don't think this is the right instrument for me.

Jonah: It's a keyboard. What could be simpler?

Phoenix: A harmonica.

Jonah: You can't jam out to a harmonica.

Phoenix: We could try.

Jonah: Come on. Lady's love keyboards!

Phoenix: Why would a girl like a keyboard? It's a keyboard.

Jonah: Well what girl would like a harmonica?

Phoenix: Um… girls that play harmonicas?

Jonah: Oh ha-ha. Very funny. Just help me find a beat for the song.

Phoenix: Song? Oh! You mean the April Fools one for next year!

Jonah: Yea, the pillow pet one. I talked to the company. What do you think of my face being on a pillow pet?

Phoenix: I don't think people should be pillow pets. Unless they're really thick, fluffy people. You might work.

Jonah: What's that supposed to mean!

Phoenix: It means that jacket makes you look like a marshmallow.

Jonah: It's the mountains! I'm fitting in!

Phoenix: Yea, you'll get along fine with the hot chocolate. What do you have so far?

Jonah: Um… Well, I've got "I'm a pillow, I'm a pet, I'm a pillow pet. Be with you for live even though we just met."

Phoenix: … You really shouldn't write your own lyrics. Can I have some water?

Jonah: Sure, yea- Phoenix be careful!

Phoenix: Sorry! Do you have a towel-?

Sinead: I think Phoenix just broke it.

Jessi: He's writing my pillow pet rap! Wait! I better be getting part of the profits!

Sinead: You're having him write a pillow pet rap?

Jessi: Come on! It's genius! Little girls love Jonah and they also love pillow pets! Combine the two and you have an iTunes goldmine!

Sinead: I… can't really argue with that.

Jessi: Ha! I should be an Ekat!

Sinead: What are you anyway?

Jessi: Human. A very epic human. Though I have reason to believe my fourth cousin twice removed is part butternut squash. And a cannibal.

Sinead: I meant branch… butternut squash?

Jessi: Don't have any in your hand if you don't want your hand to end up in his stomach. And you know what you say; you are the shape of what you eat.

Sinead: It's you are what you eat. Not the shape of what you eat.

Jessi: Not in this case.

Sinead: You never answered my branch question-

Jessi: I know you've been feeling melancholy.

Sinead: What?

Jessi: Titanic. It's the 100th year since it sank and that's my favorite line.

Sinead: Out of the whole movie that's your favorite line?

Jessi: It's better than Henry's favorite line.

Sinead: What's Henry's?

Jessi: Iceberg.

Sinead: Where is that even in the movie?

Jessi: You're kidding right? When they see the iceberg-

Sinead: No, I meant yours!

Jessi: Oh, when Cal walks into Roses room to give her the heart of the sea. You know, for the sea being so big and all that's a tiny heart.

Sinead: There isn't- never mind. Just never mind. I have to go.

Jessi: Going to meet Hamilton for lunch?

Sinead: How did you-

Jessi: I may not have the recording, but there's a video camera in the corner. And it has audio.

**A/N: Whoo! I got it on video! So I don't know who is next at this point, review and drop a name! **


	15. Ned and Ted

**A/N: I AM SOOOO SORRY. This took forever and I feel awful. But now it's summer, so on the bright side, I will be able to update faster. Sometimes. I'm going to be gone a lot this summer but I'll try to be faster when I'm actually home. Well almost every review asked for Ned and Ted so here they are! It's not my best chapter, but its not my worst.**

Jessi: Oh my Google, you brought a dog.

Ted: Meet Flamsteed.

Jessi: Flamsteed is big.

Ned: Well he's not exactly little.

Jessi: Right. And what does Flamsteed eat?

Ted: Dog food?

Jessi: Okay, more important question, does he eat _people_?

Ned: Not that we know of.

Ted: Though he was chewing on Alistair's shoe yesterday and we haven't seen him since.

Ned: Ted that was _your_ shoe.

Ted: And you let him eat it!

Ned: It was an ugly shoe. You're better off without it.

Ted: Then where did Alistair go?

Ned: Um… I really don't know.

Jessi: _Does the dog eat people or not_!

Ted: No.

Jessi: It took you that long to answer?

Ned: We like to talk things out.

Jessi: Oh really? Which one of you is better looking?

Ned and Ted: I am.

Ted: I'm the one with the dog, Ned! Girls like dogs!

Jessi: I beg to differ; I thought your dog ate people.

Ned: Please, like the dog improves your looks!

Ted: Well there's nothing to help yours!

Ned: You're the one who bought those awful shoes!

Ted: Says the one with that bought and _actually wears_ a Hawaiian shirt!

Ned: You read what Dan said in The Maze of Bones! We all dress the same; I'm trying to expand my closet!

Ted: So buy a pair of jeans!

Jessi: He has a point there.

Ned: I'm not the one dumb enough to let Sinead cut my hair!

Ted: You told me it looked fine!

Ned: Sinead couldn't cut her way out of a paper bag!

Ted: Oh yeah? Who cuts your hair?

Ned: The guy that Alistair has come in once a month!

Ted: The one that wears the glasses with a flashlight on the side?

Ned: Yea!

Ted: That's a dog groomer, Ted! He comes in to trim Buffy and Flamsteed and the puppies!

Jessi: There are puppies!

Ned: Four. Buffy's quite a mother. _And her fur looks great_!

Jessi: The two man eating dogs have _puppies_? What, do they breathe _fire_!

Ted: I can't believe you let the dog groomer cut your hair! Though it explains the state it's in.

Ned: At least he knows how to hold a pair of scissors!

Ted: Well my teeth are straight, unlike yours!

Henry: Jessi?

Jessi: Yes, Henry?

Henry: They're identical.

Jessi: I know.

Henry: So maybe you should remind them of that before they tear each other to shreds over who has better nails.

Jessi: its revenge for not answering my man eating dog question right away. In the time they took to answer, Flamsteed could have eaten me and I would be being digested at the moment while they fought over Ted's ugly shoe. Besides, they like to talk things out, remember? I like to think I'm increasing their brotherly bond.

Ned: Heart boxers are way more attractive than smiley faces!

Ted: Smiley faces beat hearts any day!

Jessi: See? Bonding.

Alejandro: Would you two shut up!

*Silence*

Alejandro: Smiley faces? Hearts? What are you, four?

*Ned and Ted look down, blushing*

Ned: Sorry, we were being stupid.

Alejandro: Yea, you were.

Jessi: Wow, Al is actually being mature, Henry.

Henry: Wait for it.

Alejandro: Everybody knows teddy bears kick butt!

*He _tries_ to prove his point*

Jessi: *covering my eyes* _Alejandro pull up your pants_!

Ned: Hearts are better than teddy bears!

Alejandro: The bears are _holding hearts_! That's, like, two in one! And they are _smiling_! I beat both of yours! See Jessi!

Jessi: No, I don't, I'm too busy _being scarred for life_!

Ted: My smiley faces could take both of yours down!

Ned: No! My hearts are pink!

*Ned and Ted also try to prove their points*

Jessi: No! Don't do what Al does; his mind didn't age past five!

Alejandro: I am a mature adult, Jessi!

Jessi: Then pull up your pants and make them do the same!

Alejandro: Make me!

Jessi: _Henry_!

Henry: _All of you are so wrong right now_!

Jessi: Thank you!

Henry: Four leaf clovers beat all of you!

*And Henry tries to prove _his_ point*

Jessi: That's not what I meant for you to do!

Ned: Four leaf clovers can't even stand against hearts!

Ted: Jessi, who wins?

Jessi. I. Am. Not. Taking. My. Hands. Off. Of. My. Eyes.

Henry: Come on, pick one!

Jessi: Not until you pull up your pants!

Alejandro: Fine!

Jessi: Is everyone decent?

Ted: Yes.

Jessi: Okay. Good. Um…

Alejandro: Teddy bears are adorable! It is a scientific fact!

Ned: No, it's not! Pink hearts are epic! Pink is a manly color!

Ted: Smiley faces are just happy. Boxers should make people happy.

Henry: If that's true, then my boxers are lucky.

Jessi: Henry wins!

Ned: _Why_!

Jessi: He's Irish. It's just fitting for him to wear clovers. Clovers are lucky and so are the Irish. Now can we get back to the interview?

Alejandro: No! My teddy bears deserve justice!

Jessi: Al, you started this. Not get out before I get Flamsteed to eat you.

*Alejandro leaves*

Jessi: Henry, go get some treats for the dog before it gets hungry.

Henry: No problem.

Ted: Flamsteed's eaten.

Jessi: I'm not taking any chances.

Ned: He's not going to eat you.

Jessi: Like I said, I am not taking any chances. Ugh, this whole interview and I only asked you four questions. And three of them were about your dog.

Ted: Well what were you going to ask?

Jessi: I don't know I usually just wing it.

Ned: If it makes you feel any better, Ted's favorite movie is Cinderella.

Ted: Ned!

Ned: Well it is.

Ted: Ned wasn't potty trained until he was seven!

Ned: Ted!

Ted: Well you weren't!

Henry: Hey Jessi, will bacon work?

Jessi: Yea, it's meat. Dog's like meat.

*Flamsteed jumped up and then ripped the bacon out of Henry's hand*

Henry: Hey!

Jessi: You said he'd eaten!

Ted: He has! Ned fed him!

Ned: No, Ted fed him!

Ted: I didn't do it!

Ned: Well neither did I!

Jessi: You let a starving man eating dog into my interview room!

Ned: He's not starving anymore, look at all the bacon he's eating.

**A/N: Thanks a bunches to ReadAndWriteButMostlyRead for the great question "Which is better looking?" because I was suffering severe writers block. Once again I'm sorry this took so long. I'm going to try to update next week, and I'm between doing Amy or Jonah, but maybe another Jonah would be... to much Jonah?**


	16. Amy and Jonah

**A/N: I'M SORRY! AGAIN! I don't like this chapter, I didn't do all that great but I haven't updated in so long I had to post SOMETHING. I couldn't decide between Jonah and Amy so I combined them, and then I had writer's block and ugh. I'm sorry. Also, I did not edit. Just warning you.**

Jonah: Why is that when I'm finally on time that she's an hour late?

Alejandro: I told you, she… got held up.

Jonah: And where's Henry?

Alejandro: Getting Jessi.

Jonah: And where is Jessi?

Alejandro: I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you.

Jonah: You can make your own decisions.

Alejandro: Well, yea but… I don't want to be chained to a wall again.

Jonah: What?

Alejandro: I-

Amy: Jonah? What are you doing here?

Jonah: Amy? I'm here for my interview, which should have been an hour ago.

Amy: But I'm here for my interview.

Alejandro: Jessi put them back to back. She didn't know she'd be…

Henry: We're here.

Jessi: Sorry, I got held up.

Henry: You owe me.

Jessi: Would you stop reminding me? It's not like I'm going to forget in the next six months. Ugh. Okay, Amy, Jonah, change of plans. Your interviews are now combined.

Jonah: Works for me, but can we start? I've been here an hour talking to Alejandro about his dry skin.

Alejandro: Jessi, feel my elbows, they're like as dry as a rhino's butt.

Amy: How do you know what that feels like?

Jessi: Henry, remind me to get Al some lotion before he goes around asking people to feel his elbows. Or attempting to feel a rhino's butt, that could be bad.

Amy: I agree with that. But why were you so late?

Jonah: And what do you owe Henry?

Jessi: 1. I don't want to talk about it and 2. A get out of jail free card.

Henry: She pretended to be a zoo.

Amy: …What?

Henry: She tried to buy a baby polar bear by pretending she owned a zoo.

Jessi: I had a legitimate website! Jessi's Wilderness Park was about to get a baby polar bear.

Henry: Except for the fact that Jessi's Wilderness Park is not a real zoo and you can't keep a baby polar bear in your living room.

Jessi: I would've made it work!

Henry: What were going to feed it?

Jessi: The brownies that Al's man/lady friend tries to force feed us. I'm pretty sure there's seal blood in those.

Alejandro: Woman! She's a woman!

Henry: We're not starting this again. But you might be right about the seal blood. There a strange red color.

Jonah: Do I even have to say gross?

Amy: I don't think so. Why did you want a polar bear?

Alejandro: It's her favorite animal. But it all kind of backfired.

Henry: That's an understatement.

Jessi: Hush! Anyway, they sold the polar bear before I could buy it. End of story.

Henry: Not even close to the end of the story.

Jessi: Okay, I found another polar bear and tried to buy it.

Jonah: Tried?

Henry: She tried to buy an illegal polar bear cub off the black market and was arrested.

Jessi: I would like to point out that being arrested is a good excuse for being late. Henry got me off on parole in about thirty minutes.

Amy: How?

Henry: I'm blackmailing the sheriff.

Jessi: You know what? This is not our interview. We should be asking the questions.

Jonah: Ask away.

Jessi: Thank you. Umm… darn it.

Amy: What?

Jessi: I spent the week preparing for a polar bear. I didn't even dig up anything.

Jonah: Seriously?

Jessi: Yea, so… I'll have to wing it.

Amy: I don't like the sound of that.

Jessi: It's fine, I'll be back in a minute.

Jonah: What? Where are you going?

Jessi: To make a few calls!

Amy: Who could she be calling?

Jonah: Dan? Nellie? My dad? Phoenix? The guy that guards my baby pictures?

Amy: You have a guy that guards you baby pictures?

Jonah: I don't want any of those in the magazines. My baby butt is my business.

Amy: Last week People reported how many times you went to the restroom at a movie premier.

Jonah: My bladder is open to the public, but not my baby butt.

Jessi: I'll be sure to remember that. Speaking of your baby butt, I called Phillip.

Amy: Who?

Jessi: Jonah's baby picture guy. He is sending me pictures via phone.

Jonah: What? But that's his whole job!

Jessi: I told him where he could get a polar bear.

Amy: Jessi!

Jessi: I know right? Can you believe he's a polar bear fanatic to? What luck is that? Oh, and Phoenix and your Dad say hi and they are sorry.

Amy: He'll get arrested like you did!

Jonah: Sorry for what?

Jessi: Well, your dad gave me Phillip's number and Phoenix told me about Adele not wanting to do a duet with you. Sorry about that.

Jonah: What- why!

Jessi: Well he told me that Adele just didn't think your vocals would mix well and that rap wasn't really in her comfort zone singing wise-

Jonah: I mean why they would tell you that!

Jessi: Oh. Blackmail.

Henry: I learned from the best.

Jessi: Oh. My. Google.

Amy: Oh wow.

Alejandro: What?

Jessi: I got Jonah's baby pictures.

*Amy and I start laughing*

Amy: I'm sorry Jonah but-

Jessi: You were the fattest baby ever!

Jonah: That's not my fault! My mom fed me this, like, super baby milk and it was supposed to make me healthy but it made me-

Amy: A walrus!

Jonah: Amy!

Amy: I'm sorry, Jonah. You were a cute baby, if it makes up for anything.

Jessi: Now we know why you're baby butt is your business.

Jonah: I get it! What about Amy, who did you call for her?

Jessi: Hm? Oh yea. I only made one call for her.

Jonah: How is that fair?

Amy: Who did you call! Because Dan is not a reliable source!

Jessi: No, I called your homeroom teacher. Jonah, did you know that before she and Evan were dating that she fell on him and her sharpened pencil got stuck up his nose? He got blood all over the floor.

Amy: She told you that?

Jessi: And that you're homeroom saw Dan moon you from the windows. Apparently, his butt is not only his business.

Jonah: *Laughing* He did that?

Amy: Yes! Do you know how long it took me to get over that?

Jonah: What else?

Amy: Jonah!

Jonah: It's helping me get over my butt!

Jessi: One more, Amy? Please? Help the guy who was a fat baby out.

Amy: He shouldn't feel better because of my embarrassment! It's wrong!

Jonah: So was laughing at my baby fat!

Jessi: Henry was laughing too.

Henry: Don't turn this on me. You still owe me.

Jessi: Another word about me owing you and I am going to invest in a llama for Jessi's Wilderness Park and will expand into _your_ living room.

Henry: …

Jessi: Uh huh, I thought so. Now, we are out of time.

Alejandro: But we still have another thirty minutes.

Jessi: Well…

Henry: When she was about to be arrested, she hit the sheriff over the head with a woman's purse and tried to grab the polar bear and run. She might have just gotten parole, but now she-

Jessi: Henry-

Henry: She has to go to anger management classes.

Alejandro: At the YMCA?

Jessi: Um… yes?

Alejandro: That's the one I'm taking Carla to!

Jessi: Henry!

Henry: Even I can't get you out of this one.

Jonah: Ever heard of karma? That's what you get for pretty much setting up my baby picture guy to be arrested for buying an illegal polar bear.

Amy: But wouldn't they search his house after he was arrested and find the pictures?

Jonah: Darn it! I have to get those pictures before a deputy sells my butt to People!

*Jonah runs out*

Amy: I really hope he meant the magazine.

**A/N: IMPORTANT! Okay, next chapter... is the last one. Everyone is going to be interviewed at once, and that will be the final interview. Okay, so there's a bonus, but you won't know what the bonus is until the end of the next chapter. I'm sad :( it's ending, but I feel like I'm dragging it out. UNLESS I have the sudden urge to write an interview before the last one. But that will probaly not happen. It will be up some time in August because I'm taking off on vacation again, but I PROMISE It'll be up in that month.**


	17. The Cahill Clan

**A/N: Well, August is almost over, but still, I got it posted in the month of August. I'm improving. Now, I glanced over this, but didn't really edit, which sounds just awful since this is basically my finale, but the thing is, I feel like I've run out of juice. So while the finale is the supposed to be the most epic chapter ever... I just couldn't get it to the level of epicness I wanted it to be at. Authors note at the end is important, please read!**

Jessi: You know, I don't think this room was made to hold… thirteen clue hunters. There is no way you're going to be able to fit in here too, Henry. You're the size of two Hamilton's. Alejandro is only a Hamilton and a half. Therefore, he get's doorway rights.

Henry: Then maybe, instead of pushing all the chairs to the back of the room so that they're all a good five feet away from you, you could move them up a foot and we could both be _in_ the room for once.

Jessi: I would, but I don't want to be too close to Natalie. She wasn't happy about me making her wear the periwinkle prison jumper.

Henry: Then _maybe_ I could stand at the _front_ of the room _between_ you and Natalie. I am a _bodyguard _after all.

Jessi: …That's a good point. Okay, front of the room.

Alejandro: What about me? Why am I at the back?

Jessi: In case they try to leave.

Hamilton: Umm… we can hear all of this. We're standing outside the door. Like… right here.

Jessi: I meant in case you try to leave before the interviews over.

Hamilton: Oh.

Jessi: Okay, so… Ian, sit in the chair in the corner.

Dan: Ha! You're in the corner!

Jessi: Dan, sit in the chair in front of Ian.

Dan: What!?

Jessi: I am not responsible to what he might or might not do to the back of your head. Okay, so then Amy, Nellie, Jonah, Sinead and Hamilton will fill the back row. Then Natalie sit by Dan, and Madison, Regan, Ned, Ted, and Alistair will take the front row. Got it?

Alistair: Yes, but why do we need a seating chart?

Henry: So that she would have an excuse why she wouldn't help us get all of the chairs we needed to for you guys.

Jessi: Hush, Henry.

Nellie: Natalie, what are you wearing?

Natalie: A periwinkle prison jumper.

Amy: Periwinkle?

Ian: It's a shade of blue.

Amy: I know that!

Dan: She requested mauve.

Natalie: And she _gave_ me periwinkle.

Jessi: I still have the orange one if you want it.

Ian: Orange is not her color.

Natalie: Ian!

Ian: Well, it's not. Do you remember when you got that fake tan and you resembled an overgrown carrot? It clashed horribly with your green dress.

Jonah: When did you buy a fake tan?

Ian: When she was ten and grounded inside the mansion for the summer. She refused to go back to school without it looking like she'd been somewhere exotic all summer. Instead she went back looking like she'd spent the three months with Willy Wonka.

Ned: You could've been blue.

Natalie: Orange was bad enough, thank you.

Jessi: You should be happy I took off the butt bedazzlement.

Jonah: Ha-ha, butt bedazzlement?

Ned: As if you can talk Jonah, with all of the jewelry you wear. I'm surprised you haven't done it all ready.

Jonah: … You know what; you might be on to something.

Jessi: I get thirty percent of all future profits.

Jonah: Deal.

Natalie: Um, hello? It was my butt in the first place! Where's my cut?

Jessi: Um, hello? It was my bedazzle skills and ingenuity. Get your own line of Jonah products.

Natalie: Jonah, how would you like to have you own line of designer prison jumpers?

Alistair: I mauve, I presume?

Natalie: You know it.

Nellie: Okay, that's a little too far. Seriously, you might as well combine them and put your face on the butt of a mauve prison jumper.

Jonah: You guys should be my new marketing team. Seriously, you guys are good.

Nellie: There is something wrong with you.

Jonah: You have to admit. I could make prison stylish.

Sinead: Wouldn't you be encouraging kids to go to prison?

Jonah: No, I'm encouraging kids to wear prison jumpers. And if they happen to go to prison, they'll be the coolest kids there.

Sinead: Can you honestly tell me this is a good idea?

Alejandro: It's a better idea than the one I had about curing Henry's llama fear.

Ian: What is your issue with llamas?

Henry: This is _your_ interview, not mine.

Alejandro: Oooh! They could interview us Henry! Wouldn't that be fun?

Henry: No.

Alejandro: Think on it.

Henry: …It's still a no.

Alejandro: But-

Henry: And will always _be_ a no.

*Al's phone rings*

Alejandro: What? Um… Okay, be right down. *He leaves*

Jessi: Henry, where is he going?

Henry: How should I know?

Jessi: Um… Okay then. That was weird.

Ian: The llama thing is still weird.

Alistair: I was afraid of fruit cake when I was a child.

Ted: …Huh?

Alistair: I had a terrible fear that if I ate a piece of fruit cake, that it would become lodged in my throat and I would die. That's how a father of a friend of mine died. And his mother had to go the hospital when a maid threw a practically stale fruit cake at her head.

Dan: That… that is even stranger than the llama thing.

Ned: When Sinead was little, she used to wake up screaming that our Great Aunt Edna was going to eat her.

Sinead: Because she called me cookie and had a strange obsession with Sesame Street, especially with the Cookie Monster. And she had a really big mouth and blue hair. Can you blame me?

Natalie: Ian hasn't been able to buy pants without wincing ever sense Buffy took a bite of his buns.

Ian: …Does anyone else hear tiny barking?

Natalie: I think he's getting worse…

Jessi: No, I hear it to.

Alejandro: *We can't see him, he just stepped off the elevator* Um, Ted, do you own six puppies?

Ted: Yes, but Harold is supposed to be in the car, watching them. They're Flamsteed's and Buffy's.

Alejandro: I think… they got out.

*Al walks in with six not so tiny puppies following him.*

Ian: That beast has spawn!?

Alistair: I'm sure Buffy will think the same thing if you ever have children.

*It is obvious Buffy is the mother, because when they saw Ian, they attacked his pants."

Ian: _Get them off_!

Jessi: They are so _cute_!

Ian: I beg to differ!

*After about thirty seconds, myself, Amy, Sinead, Hamilton (Who so only got up because Sinead did), and Regan (Who did it not to help Ian, but to hold a puppy) each grabbed one and got them off.*

Jessi: Aw, Ian, how can you hate this adorable little face?

*I lifted the puppy up to Ian's own not so adorable face… but I failed to notice it had dug my pepper spray out of my pocket and had it in its mouth. And bit. And I'm sorry, Ian. Because he got pepper sprayed in the face by a puppy. Oops.*

Ian: _Ahhhhh_!

Amy: Ian! Are you okay?

*Total adorable Amian moment where she held him. Except that he was in too much pain to notice or care much.*

Natalie: I want that puppy! I shall name her Prada.

Jessi: You want the dog that just pepper sprayed your brother?

Dan: If she's going to have a pet, it might as well be as vicious as she is.

Natalie: You know what? I am so tired of you! I don't know how this Danatalie thing got started, but it is soooo wrong because it is not going to happen.

Alejandro: I sense that she is upset about that still.

Jessi: Good observation, Al.

Alejandro: Really?

*I should have made Natalie wear slippers or something; because there is no doubt that her stilettos have left a scar on Dan's shin when she kicked him. And then, because whenever there is violence of any kind, a Holt must join in, Regan tackled Jonah, Madison attacked Sinead, so Hamilton tried to fight of his sister, and Nellie was somehow thrown across the room into Alistair who hit Ted in the face with his cane. Ted seemed to think that this was Ned and was totally confused by all the noise, so he punched him the face. And I, being the kind soul I am, gathered up all of the puppies to make sure they weren't trampled, but Prada got free and went back to eating Ian's pants.*

Jessi: You know Henry, this interview went really well.

**A/N: SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT NOTE, NOT JUST A SAPPY THIS IS LAST CHAPTER THING.**

**Okay, if your reading this, you rock. So, it's over... and the thing is, I have a bonus idea. Okay, so... would it be totally lame if I got one or a couple of the characters to interview Henry, Alajandro, and (maybe, no promises on this one) me? Because I thought about that last chapter, and then I thought "Nah. They want Clue Hunters. We are an interviewer and two body guards." It would take three chapters, if I did it they would not come out like tomorrow or really any time soon, but I wanted to know if I should even bother. Soo... if you could please take a minute of your life to PLEASE just review with a simple "No." or a "Yes," and what clue hunter(s) you would like to do the interview (Could be a different clue hunter for each one, whatever yall want) that would be AMAZING and I would ADORE you. I considered just letting someone funnier than me write them... but then I remembered that I made the characters, I should probaly do any possible interviewing. And THEN I thought "Well, I can make a contest for Henry interviews and see how that goes" but realized I don't even know how to do that and no one would enter. SO I've just written a really long authors note with a whole bunch of unimportant info about stuff I'm NOT gonna do. Wow, aren't I brilliant?**

**OH! And I love reading yalls reviews, and in case you don't want to review on the bonus thing, what would be a wacky Jonah Product you think he would actually sale? Cause there are some funny things out there that he so would sale that don't involve butt bedazzlement and prison jumpers.**


End file.
